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| The wife would make a great burglar.........her arse would rub out her footprints |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged wife , burglar , arse , footprints , jim davidson , sinderella - Current Score: 171 - Added: 1 week ago
| Why are black people so strong? TVs are getting heavier. | |
Joke by caliban, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged blacks , racist , burglar , burglars , rob , robber , robber , steal , thieves , thief - Current Score: 165 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| I was at home last week when I spotted 2 burglars in my garden shed. I phoned the police and was told that no squad car could get to my house for at least 20 minutes! I hung up and then 5 minutes later I rang back saying "There is no need for the squad car now, I've shot them both"!!! Within 2 minutes there were four squad cars and an fully armed response unit outside, and they caught the burglars red handed! When the chief came up to me he said "I thought you said you'd shot them"? To which I replied..."And I thought you said there were no police in the area"!!!!! | |
Joke by welshmadman, in Jokes with no home > Murder - Tagged police , burglar , shot , dead , 999 - Current Score: 114 - Added: 10 months, 30 days ago
| Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus." | |
Joke by rathbonejoker, in Jokes with no home > theft - Tagged burglar - Current Score: 105 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| My mate got 5 years for falling asleep on the job. That sounds a bit harsh, but he was a burglar. | |
Joke by justincider, in Jokes with no home > Crime - Tagged mate , asleep , prison , burglar , harsh - Current Score: 85 - Added: 3 months, 17 days ago
| What do you call a chav in a tastefully decorated house? A burglar. | |
Joke by Ciabi, in Religion and racism > Jehovahs Witness - Tagged chavs , chav , house , burglar , thief , robber , steal , stealing - Current Score: 67 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| I just heard my next door neighbour's window smash and his burglar alarm went off so I immediately sprang into action... I went round there and got myself a free telly. | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged burglar , free , telly , neighbour , alarm , sprang , action - Current Score: 48 - Added: 8 months, 15 days ago
| West Midlands Police are on the look out for a cross-eyed burglar. They have stated, "If you see him peering in your front window, please warn the people next door." | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Burglar - Tagged cross , eyed , burglar , warn , next , door , maybe two ronnies - Current Score: 43 - Added: 1 month, 8 days ago
| This judge once sentenced me for breaking and entering. I said, "I didn't do it." The judge said, "you were caught with burglar tools in your possession." I said, "in that case you can send me down for rape." He said, "did you really rape someone?" I said, "no, but I had the tools on me." | |
Joke by igotajoke4u, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged judge , burglar , rape , tools - Current Score: 32 - Added: 4 months, 7 days ago
| I suprised a burglar today... I broke into his fucking house! | |
Joke by Cky1994, in Jokes with no home > Miscellaneous - Tagged suprised , house , burglar - Current Score: 18 - Added: 8 months, 9 days ago
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