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| If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate ...Do you think: (a) You need more time together, (b) She's a prude, or (c) She should sit somewhere else on the bus? |    |
Joke by nahgut, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged masterbating , bus , woman - Current Score: 360 - Added: 1 year ago
| There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a joke about Americans. Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "no, don't do that. I'm American." The guide looked at him and said, "that's okay, we'll explain it to you afterwards." | |
Joke by kinjoker, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged dumb , americans , bus , joke - Current Score: 187 - Added: 3 months ago
| Manchester United have cancelled their open-top tour bus. A spokesman said that, after paying so much getting to Moscow, you can't expect fans to travel all the way to Manchester too. | |
Joke by jmtRyan, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged united , moscow , bus , football - Current Score: 155 - Added: 3 months ago
| Have you heard about the case of that fugitive who held hostage a busload of Japanese tourists? The police have 5,000 pictures of him. | |
Joke by gartnavel, in Religion and racism > Japanese - Tagged japanese , bus , fugitive , photo , hostage - Current Score: 155 - Added: 3 months ago
| My Uncle was jailed for his beliefs.. He believed you could wank on the bus. | |
Joke by red_rag, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged wank , bus - Current Score: 147 - Added: 5 months ago
| I was waiting for a bus and next to me was a woman, with her son, who was in a wheelchair. I asked the woman, "How old is your son?" The woman replied, "He's ten years old." So then I said, "Shouldn't he be walking by now?" | |
Joke by mickle, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged bus , wheelchair , ricky gervais - Current Score: 138 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus. | |
Joke by appy2be, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged old woman , hospital , bus - Current Score: 124 - Added: 4 months, 30 days ago
| A bloke working on the buses taking fares pushes one of his passengers off the bus and kills him. At the trial he is found guilty of murder and is sentenced to the electric chair. As a last meal he asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly eats. They sit him down, plug him in a send a million volts through him. When the smoke clears he is sitting there, right as rain. Checking through the statutes the governor finds he has no choice but to release him. The chap goes back to his job on the buses and lo and behold allows another passenger to fall to his death. Once again he is found guilty and sentenced to death. At the prison he, again, asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly recieves and scoffs down. In the chair again and this time he is zapped with 2 million volts. Smoke clears and bugger me there he sits, right as rain. As before he goes back to his old job. Through a combination of stupidity and sheer malice he, yet again, allows another passenger to fall to their death (under a train at that, it was quite nasty really!) The judge has no choice but to find him guilty and off he goes to the chair. As you may have guessed he asks for his bunch of green bananas (getting predictable now) Eats them, gets strapped in, 3 million volts and yep, he's right as rain. The executioner, who is really pissed off by now, approaches him and asks what the secret is, is it (as he suspects) the green bananas that save his life. "No" replies the prisoner "I'm just a bad conductor!" | |
Joke by Chuckie F, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged conductor , bus , banannas , electric , chair - Current Score: 114 - Added: 4 months ago
| A woman got on a bus holding a baby. "Blimey," the bus driver said, "that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed. The man sympathised and said, "He's a public servant! He shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man agreed. "Here, let me hold your monkey." | |
Joke by kitkat456, in Jokes with no home > Baby - Tagged baby , monkey , bus - Current Score: 87 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police". Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus and looking very worried. "What the hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies "I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy" whereupon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You fucking idiot Mick, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!". | |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , mick , bus , piss - Current Score: 74 - Added: 10 months ago
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