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| A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm. "Do you sell fishcakes?" he asks. "Of course," says the fishmonger. "Oh good," says the man,"it's his birthday!" |    |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Fish - Tagged salmon , birthday , cake , happy birthday - Current Score: 162 - Added: 1 year ago
| A man is stranded in the desert and has not eaten or drunk anything for nearly 36 hours. He is about to die. Amazingly, as he stumbles through the sand, he comes to three market stalls. The man (half-thinking he must be hallucinating) approaches the first stall and demands, "I need water, sell me some water." "Sorry, Sir," replies the stall owner, "I only sell custard." The man, visibly taken aback, goes up to the second stall and again asks for water. "I'm afraid I only sell sponge cake and cream," replies the second stall owner. The man turns in disbelief to the final stall and begs, "please, I need water now or I'll die." "Sorry Sir, I only sell hundreds and thousands," replies the final stall owner. His fatigue momentarily forgotten the man demands, "You mean to tell me that the three of you all own market stalls in the middle of the desert and none of you sell water?" "I know, Sir," says the first stall owner, "it's a trifle bazaar." | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Wordplay - Tagged water , trifle , bazaar , bizzare , cream , cake , custard - Current Score: 119 - Added: 1 month, 24 days ago
| A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." "Well, then could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so." "Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break." "I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!" So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?" She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either sleep with him or bake him a cake." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?" | |
Joke by Skimp, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged cake , cheating , wife , husband - Current Score: 112 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| How do you get a fat girl into bed? ....... Piece of cake !! | |
Joke by vespa, in Jokes with no home > Fat People - Tagged fat , cake - Current Score: 79 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Heinrich Himmler was having a suprise party for Hitler. As Hess, Goering and Goebbels jumped up, Hitler looked surprised and exclaimed "If I had known you were coming I'd have baked a Kike" | |
Joke by xblutundehrex, in Religion and racism > Hitler - Tagged jew , holocaust , cake , kike - Current Score: 38 - Added: 10 months ago
| It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. | |
Joke by AS, in Illness and mortality > Obesity - Tagged obease , fat , cake - Current Score: 31 - Added: 3 months, 27 days ago
| I crashed my new Skoda today - fucking disaster, there was jam and cake all over the road.... | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > TV - Tagged skoda , cake , jam - Current Score: 27 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Emo cake The cake that cuts itself | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Religion and racism > Emo - Tagged emo , cake , cuts , itself - Current Score: 22 - Added: 7 months, 7 days ago
| Little Johnny is in school and it is near christmas time so the kids are giving presents to the teacher. Little Ross stands up to give his present. The teacher knows his parents are choclatiers. She takes the wrapped present and says, "This is a box of chocolates isn't it?". Ross says, "Yes miss how did you guess?" and she replies, "It was just a random guess Ross thank you." Little Jenny stands up and the teacher knows her parents work at the local bakery. She takes the present and says, "This is a cake in a tin isn't it?" Jenny says, "Yes miss how did you guess?" and she again replies, "It was just a random guess Jenny thank you." Little Johnny stands up and gives his present to the teacher. She knows his parents work at the brewery. She sees that the present is leaking so she takes a sip and says, "This is a can of Newcastle Brown Ale isn't it?" Little Johnny shakes his head. She takes another sip. "Right this is a bottle of Red Wine then?" Again, Johnny shakes his head. She eventually gives in and says, "Ok Johnny I give in what is it?" And through his wide smile Johnny says, "A puppy miss!" | |
Joke by Sanjeev74, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged little johnny , school , alcohol , cake , teachers , kids , newcastle , chocolate - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year ago
| Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after its been eaten. Its called fucking wedding cake! | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Accident - Tagged cake , doctors - Current Score: 20 - Added: 9 months, 8 days ago
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