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| A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door. 'Is there a problem Officer?' The policeman says, 'Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?' The driver responds, 'I'd give it to you but I don't have one.' 'You don't have one?' The man responds, 'I lost it four times for drink driving.' The policeman is shocked. 'I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?' 'I'm sorry, I can't do that.' The policeman says, 'Why not?' 'I stole this car.' The officer says, 'Stole it?' The man says, 'Yes, and I killed the owner.' At this point the officer is getting irate. 'You what?' 'She's in the boot if you want to see.' The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun. The senior officer says, 'Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!' The man steps out of his vehicle. 'Is there a problem sir?' 'One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.' 'Murdered the owner?' The officer responds, 'Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?' The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot. The officer says, 'Is this your car sir?' The man says 'Yes' and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. 'One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.' The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. 'Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner.' The man replies, 'I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!' |    |
Joke by Token, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged police , driver , licence , speeding , murder , car - Current Score: 450 - Added: 11 months ago
| What do you call Tim Westwood in a car? A Cunt. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Tim Westwood - Tagged tim , westwood , cunt , car - Current Score: 377 - Added: 1 year ago
| Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car". Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it. | |
Joke by hangman, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged uk , terror , attacks , bomb , liverpool , suspicious , tax , car - Current Score: 297 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A white lie: "No dear, your bum doesn't look big in those jeans". A black lie: "I didn't steal no mother fuckin' car". | |
Joke by nufcdude, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged black , car , steal , jeans , mother fucker - Current Score: 240 - Added: 3 days ago
| The wife's not speaking to me, all because I wouldn't open the car door for her...it's not my fault, I just fucking panicked and swam to the surface! | |
Joke by geemack, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , car , door , drown , swim - Current Score: 224 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago
| Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. | |
Joke by caliban, in Celebrity and news events > Diana - Tagged diana , princess diana , cross , road , seat , belt , seat belt , seatbelt , wear , wearing , crash , car , dead , death , accident - Current Score: 173 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy. He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Alright little fella - if I give you a sweetie, will you come in me car?" To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!" | |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged paedo , paedophilia , paedophile , sweets , candy , bag , cum , come , mouth , kid , boy , car - Current Score: 169 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Have you seen those new adverts for the Citroen C5 car? Basically they are marketing it as an "Unmistakably German" car that turns out to be French. What the fuck does that mean? A car that goes around starting wars and then immediately surrenders? | |
Joke by antibagdave, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged car , french , german - Current Score: 165 - Added: 3 months, 16 days ago
| Two chavs are in a car, and no music is playing. Who's driving? The police. | |
Joke by Ciabi, in Religion and racism > Chavs - Tagged chavs , police , car , chav , drive , driving , radio , music - Current Score: 162 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Ferrari's Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the fucker to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of David Coulthard's bird getting shagged up the arse. | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged scousers , formula 1 , sport , liverpool , ferrari , mclaren , car , car thieves - Current Score: 149 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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