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| A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door. "Is there a problem, Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving." The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?" "I'm sorry, I can't do that." The policeman says, "Why not?" "I stole this car." The officer says, "Stole it?" The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner." At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?" "She's in the boot if you want to see." The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun. The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?" "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner." "Murdered the owner?" The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?" The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot. The officer says, "Is this your car sir?" The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence." The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner." The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!" |    |
Joke by Token, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged police , driver , licence , speeding , murder , car - Current Score: 485 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What do you call Tim Westwood in a car? A Cunt. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Tim Westwood - Tagged tim , westwood , cunt , car - Current Score: 392 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Apparently, the Popemobile has 3 inch thick bullet-proof glass. There's fucking faith for you. | |
Joke by lashley, in Religion and racism > Pope - Tagged pope , catholicism , catholic , religion , car , bill hicks - Current Score: 376 - Added: 1 month, 16 days ago
| A white lie: "No dear, your bum doesn't look big in those jeans". A black lie: "I didn't steal no mother fuckin' car". | |
Joke by nufcdude, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , car , steal , jeans , mother fucker , white - Current Score: 359 - Added: 2 months ago
| Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car". Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it. | |
Joke by hangman, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged uk , terror , attacks , bomb , liverpool , suspicious , tax , car - Current Score: 330 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| The wife's not speaking to me, all because i wouldn't open the car door for her.........it's not my fault, i just fucking panicked and swam to the surface! | |
Joke by geemack, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , car , door , drown , swim - Current Score: 250 - Added: 4 months, 24 days ago
| My uncle came out of the closet yesterday. He's not gay, he's got Alzheimer's and thought it was the car. | |
Joke by discostu, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged uncle , alzheimers , closet , gay , mental illness , old age , elderly , car - Current Score: 250 - Added: 2 days ago
| Visibility wasn't good the other day, and I got pulled over by a traffic cop whilst doing 70mph. He asked, "What would you do if Mr. Fog came down suddenly?" "I would put Mr. Foot on Mr. Brake," I sarcastically replied. "Let me start again," he sighed, "What would you do if mist or fog came down suddenly?" | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged car , fog , mist , sarcastic - Current Score: 226 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. | |
Joke by caliban, in Celebrity and news events > Diana - Tagged diana , princess diana , cross , road , seat , belt , seat belt , seatbelt , wear , wearing , crash , car , dead , death , accident - Current Score: 198 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Two chavs are in a car, and no music is playing. Who's driving? The police. | |
Joke by Ciabi, in Religion and racism > Chavs - Tagged chavs , police , car , chav , drive , driving , radio , music - Current Score: 189 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
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