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| My father strongly believes that you should live every day like it is your last. That is why for the past 17 years he has been in the intensive care unit with an oxygen mask and a tube up his arse. |    |
Joke by charlieeee, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged intensive , care , arse , dad , live , last , viz - Current Score: 100 - Added: 4 months, 16 days ago
| This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her." Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news." Again the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?" Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing." The guy slumps, just crushed. Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years." The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry. Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid." By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably. The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me." The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just fucking with you, she's dead." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , man , hospital , news , bad , waiting , care - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
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