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| Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!" |    |
Joke by NUFC, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , priests , catholic , hiv , aids - Current Score: 349 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I was raised a Catholic, and the most annoying thing about going to church was all the standing up, sitting down, and kneeling. I wish the priest could've just picked a position and fucked me! | |
Joke by AS, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , sex , fuck , catholic , jimmy carr , religion - Current Score: 272 - Added: 10 months ago
| Gerry and Kate McCann went to see the Pope to ask if he could help find their daughter. The Pope said he'd love to help but the Catholic Clergy was more used to hunting down small boys. | |
Joke by P45, in Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann - Tagged madeleine mccann , pope , catholic , paedophile , paedophilia - Current Score: 157 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's 13 or so. | |
Joke by caliban, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , catholocism , priests , catholic priests , paedophile , paedophilia - Current Score: 155 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged prostitute , catholic , protestant - Current Score: 109 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| I see that the Catholic Church has now revised the "Seven Deadly Sins" to include "Hoarding Great Wealth". Lucky for them they haven't included Hypocrisy. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , catholics , pope , great wealth , money , seven deadly sins , hypocrite , hypocrisy - Current Score: 105 - Added: 4 months, 16 days ago
| How do you castrate a Catholic priest? Kick a choir-boy in the chin. | |
Joke by P45, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged catholic , priest , choirboy - Current Score: 90 - Added: 11 months ago
| A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologised 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. | |
Joke by doubled, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , priest - Current Score: 64 - Added: 5 months, 10 days ago
| Why is the Catholic clergy so opposed to abortion? Because it means there are less children to molest. | |
Joke by Hannah Pimperton, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , priests , abortion - Current Score: 55 - Added: 11 months ago
| A young Jewish boy, was doing very badly in his maths lessons. His parents had tried everything to help: private tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, everything they could think of to help him improve. Finally, in a last ditch effort they took him down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, the little boy came home with a very serious look on his face. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. His mother was amazed. A couple of hours later she called him down to dinner, and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and hit the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, the little boy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. His mother nervously opened the report card and jumped for joy: her little boy had finally got an 'A' in maths! She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" The little boy looked at her and shook his head: "No Mommy." "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?" The little boy looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign and I knew then they weren't screwing around..." | |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged christianity , jews , catholic , school , boys , mommy - Current Score: 54 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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