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| Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!" |    |
Joke by NUFC, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , priests , catholic , hiv , aids - Current Score: 398 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Apparently, the Popemobile has 3 inch thick bullet-proof glass. There's fucking faith for you. | |
Joke by lashley, in Religion and racism > Pope - Tagged pope , catholicism , catholic , religion , car , bill hicks - Current Score: 375 - Added: 1 month, 14 days ago
| I was raised a Catholic, and the most annoying thing about going to church was all the standing up, sitting down, and kneeling. I wish the priest could've just picked a position and fucked me! | |
Joke by AS, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , sex , fuck , catholic , jimmy carr , religion - Current Score: 311 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's 13 or so. | |
Joke by caliban, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , priest , acne , child , boy - Current Score: 184 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Gerry and Kate McCann went to see the Pope to ask if he could help find their daughter. The Pope said he'd love to help but the Catholic Clergy was more used to hunting down small boys. | |
Joke by P45, in Celebrity and news events > A Levels - Tagged madeleine mccann , pope , catholic , paedophile , paedophilia - Current Score: 171 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged prostitute , catholic , protestant - Current Score: 131 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A Catholic bishop went to Rome and was determined to meet the Pope. He went to St Peter's square and stood at the front of the crowd. He was fortunate enough to see the Pope leaving the Basilica so he tried to attract his attention. The Pope however, stopped just short of him and spoke quietly to a dishevelled and disgusting old tramp before moving on, ignoring the bishop. Now the bishop thought that the Pope must be a good and caring man who would go out of his way for the poor and down trodden. So the bishop asked the tramp to sell him his rags which he wore the next day in St Peter's square. The bishop was fortunate enough to see the Pope again and this time the Pope put his arm round the bishop's shoulder and said "Didn't I tell you to fuck off yesterday!" | |
Joke by Aye-same, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged pope , catholic - Current Score: 127 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| I see that the Catholic Church has now revised the "Seven Deadly Sins" to include "Hoarding Great Wealth". Lucky for them they haven't included Hypocrisy. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , catholics , pope , great wealth , money , seven deadly sins , hypocrite , hypocrisy - Current Score: 117 - Added: 7 months, 12 days ago
| Early one morning, the Pope was having a nice shower, when he felt a certain tingle down there. Figuring that a little sin never did anyone any harm, he proceeds to have a quick wank. Just as he climaxes though, he here's a strange "click" noise. Quickly, he grabs a towel and exits the shower, and sees a paparazzo lens sticking through the bathroom window. "You there!" He shouts. "You must give me that camera!" "Are you kidding?" says the paparazzo. "I just got a photo of the Pope wanking! I'm rich" "But my child," says the pope, "You could bring down the Church if people knew! Think of the chaos, the heartache!" "Sorry pal, this pic is worth millions to me." The pope sighs. "Very well, if I give you ten million euros will you give me the camera?" The paparazzo thinks on this for a moment and agrees. So the Pope writes him a cheque, takes the camera and sends him on his way. Later, as he's sitting on his bed grumbling and trying to get the film out, a maid walks in. "Oh, your Holiness," says the maid, "that's a very nice camera. How much did it cost you?" "Ten million euros." grunts the Pope. "Ten million euros? TEN MILLION EUROS?" They must have seen you coming!" | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged pope , catholic , wank , masturbate , catholicism - Current Score: 108 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A Catholic priest has spoken out in outrage at the man from Sheffield who raped and impregnated his two daughters. "Abortion is a sin." | |
Joke by colio, in Celebrity and news events > Sheffield Rapist - Tagged sheffield , rape , catholic - Current Score: 88 - Added: 6 days ago
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