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| A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something. "Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?" "Yes, officer, I know I was speeding, but it is a matter of life or death." "Oh, really? How's that?" "There's a naked woman waiting for me at home." "I don't see how that is a matter of life or death." "If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man." |    |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged cheat , cop , speeding , dead , naked - Current Score: 104 - Added: 6 months, 19 days ago
| Pavarotti meets Princess Diana in heaven. He says "I wish I had a halo as big as yours". She replies "Fuck off you fat bastard. It's a steering wheel". | |
Joke by moppettcat, in Celebrity and news events > Pavarotti - Tagged cheat , cheater , plaguirsm - Current Score: 77 - Added: 1 year ago
| Harry is chatting to Tom. "I like your new suit," says Tom. "Thanks," says Harry, "it was a surprise present from my wife. I came home from work early last night and found it hanging over a chair in the bedroom." | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Fashion - Tagged suit , cheating , wife , cheat , bedroom , sex - Current Score: 67 - Added: 9 months ago
| What do Princess Diana & John Terry have in common? They both hit the post | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Celebrity and news events > Chelsea - Tagged chelski , john "cry baby" terry , cheat , spit , diana - Current Score: 35 - Added: 3 months, 16 days ago
| As soon as Mrs. Jones arrived at the gates of heaven she sought her husband, who had died several years before. "Excuse me," she said, approaching the gatekeeper, "but I'm looking for my husband. I wonder if you can help me." "What is his name?" the gatekeeper inquired. "Harry ... Harry Jones," she replied. The gatekeeper stroked his chin. "There are many here who have that name. What else can you tell me about him?" Blurting out the first thing that came to mind, she said, "Well, the last thing he said before he died was that if I were ever unfaithful to him, he would turn in his grave." "Ah!" said the gatekeeper, "you're looking for Spinning Harry!" | |
Joke by tokem0n, in Religion and racism > Heaven - Tagged heaven , cheat , wife , harry - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year ago
| A new student walks up to her tutors office, nervously looks up and down the hall, then enters and closes the door behind her. She then drops to her knees and says "Please let me pass this test, I will do ANYTHING!" The tutor walks over to her and replies "Anything?" She flicks her hair behind her ears, moistens her lips and repeats "I will do ANYTHING". Her tutor bends down until his mouth is inches from her ear and whispers "Would you.... study?" | |
Joke by rgssparky, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged test , blow job , cheat , student , tutor - Current Score: 13 - Added: 5 months ago
| A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation. (She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you." | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged husband , cheat - Current Score: 13 - Added: 10 months ago
| A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test both men had only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job." "And why would you be doing that? asked Murphy. "We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!" "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed." "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Simple," replied the manager. "On question # 5, the American put down, 'I don't know.' You put down 'Neither do I.'" | |
Joke by lorddread, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , american , cheat - Current Score: 11 - Added: 4 months ago
| Why men's friends are better than women's: A woman stays late in work and has a few drinks with her boss. They end up going back to his place and she doesn't go home till the next morning. When she arrives home, she says to her husband, "I stayed at a friend's house." At this, he called her ten best mates who all said they didn't know anything about where she stayed. A man ends up in the same situation and his wife calls his ten best mates, of whom eight claimed he had stayed with them that night, while the other two claimed he was still there asleep. | |
Joke by shitamericanjokes, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged cheat , men better than women sexism - Current Score: 5 - Added: 2 months, 19 days ago
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