Tag: cheating - Sickipedia

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Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers.
"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

Joke by eatmeat, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged knickers , cheating - Current Score: 193 - Added: 10 months ago

I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids.

Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged singles , bar , cheating , shagging - Current Score: 175 - Added: 2 months ago

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" im gay and i like god to give me one

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

Joke by NUFC, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged death , heaven , cheating , husband , wife - Current Score: 129 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago

Two women meet in the afterlife. Following is the conversation they had.
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ... we'd both still be alive.

Joke by tanz_kid, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged attic , cheating , freezing , husband , wife , alive , heaven , death , kill , jahi - Current Score: 111 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago

A young woman is lying on her death bed hopelessy close to her end, her husband enters the room and gently cups her hand to comfort her.

The woman musters her remaining strength and gently whispers "darling i must come clean with you".

The man hushes her, telling her to save her strength.

She continues anyway telling him that she hasn't been entirely faithful to him and informs him of her multiple affairs with his brother, father, sister and uncle.

The man replies "I know darling, why the fuck do you think i poisoned you?"

Joke by D dude, in Illness and mortality > Dying - Tagged poison , husband , wife , cheating - Current Score: 97 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago

How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex?
Phone her up

Joke by mycockisbiggerthanyours, in Sex and shit > Balls - Tagged sex , girlfriend , cry , cheating , phone , white bastards - Current Score: 89 - Added: 6 months ago

My wife caught me cheating on her again last weekend.

She said, "every time you shag another women, a part of me dies."

A few more shags should finish the job!

Joke by Spuggy, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged cheating , wife , shag - Current Score: 85 - Added: 3 weeks ago

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. In fact, he is so proud of himself and his ability to impregnate that he starts referring to his wife as "Mother of Six" despite her constant objections.

One night, they get a chance to leave the kids behind with a sitter and go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

Joke by efcbluenose, in Sex and shit > Babies - Tagged cheating , husband , wife , parents , adultary - Current Score: 66 - Added: 6 months ago

Harry is chatting to Tom. "I like your new suit," says Tom.

"Thanks," says Harry, "it was a surprise present from my wife.

I came home from work early last night and found it hanging over a chair in the bedroom."

Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Fashion - Tagged suit , cheating , wife , cheat , bedroom , sex - Current Score: 65 - Added: 7 months ago

I'm still having sex at 87.

It's only across the road from us at number 84, but my wife still doesn't notice.

Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged cheating , affair , numbers , house , age , sex - Current Score: 60 - Added: 4 days ago

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