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Next PageRecently a Christian priest commented on those who have been sexually abused by other priests and by stating that they "should get over it".
Personally, I believe he is right. Jesus was nailed to the cross over two thousand years ago and you don't see people harping on about it now, do you? |  |
Jesus walks into a hotel, throws a bag of nails on the counter and says,
"Can you put me up for the night?" |  |
Joke by caliban, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged jesus ,
one liners ,
christian ,
christianity ,
christ ,
nail ,
nails ,
cross ,
hotel ,
night ,
god - Current Score: 61 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said:
"Stop. Don't do it."
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?"
He said: "Yes."
I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off. |  |
A pastor was hiking in the woods when a grizzly bear stepped into his path. The bear stopped, growled, raised up on his back legs, and his mouth began salivating.
"Oh, God, PLEASE!" the pastor prayed, "Let this be a Christian bear."
A placid look came over the bear and the bear dropped to his knees. The bear said, "Dear, Lord. I thank you for the bountiful feast you have set before me..." |  |
A religious look at Atheism.
At least it's real. |  |
Two Jewish men are walking down the road talking when they see a sign saying: "Convert to Catholism and we shall pay you £100."
One of the men says, "I think I'm going to convert, what about you?"
The other man says, "no, I like being Jewish. You go ahead and I'll wait for you here."
So, one hour passes and the man comes out. The Jewish man asks, "did you convert?"
The new Catholic says, "yes, I did."
The jewish man then asks, "what about the £100?"
The Catholic man then yells, "you Jews, you only think of money!" |  |
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted"
And lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again." Christian replied,
"No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.".........
"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian". |  |
What do you get if you cross a Mac with a nun?
A computer that will never go down on you. |  |
What do Pakis and cigs have in common?
They both stink, come in packs of 20 and everyone wants them banned from public places. |  |
I swear that I was going to read the bible
But someone spoilt the ending. |  |
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