Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| I was in church the other day and in the middle of a prayer the lady next to me lit up a fag! I was so shocked I nearly dropped my beer. |    |
Joke by cmm14, in Religion and racism > Church - Tagged girl , church , cigarette , beer - Current Score: 164 - Added: 1 day ago
| I'm not frightened of spiders. I'm not frightened of the dark. I'm not frightened of clowns. And I'm not frightened of the school bully. But, I am frightened when my dad lights a cigarette. It means he's finished with my sister and it's my turn as daddy's special little girl. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Child Abuse - Tagged paedophillia , frightened , dar , clowns , school , bully , sister , special , little girl , cigarette - Current Score: 89 - Added: 1 day ago
| Two blokes talking in a bar. Bob : "I can't really remember the last time I did something really, really enjoyable." Phil: "I can." Bob : "Oh yeah? When was that?" Phil: "Last night when I kissed my mother-in-law goodnight." Bob : "Fucking hell! What's so enjoyable about that?!?" Phil: "I had a cigarette in my mouth at the time." | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Mother-In-Law - Tagged bar , kissed , cigarette - Current Score: 17 - Added: 8 months, 2 days ago
| One cigarette killed my mate. He was fixing a gas leak at the time. | |
Joke by justincider, in Illness and mortality > Smoking - Tagged cigarette , killed , mate , fixing , gas , leak - Current Score: 14 - Added: 2 months ago
| Have you seen the pictures of people with smoking related problems on cigarette packets? Lung cancer,throat cancer etc. Well get ready for the same thing with alcohol. Soon when you buy a can of lager there will be a picture of someone with a drink related problem. A photo of a drunk bloke fucking Dawn French.. | |
Joke by justincider, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged pictures , people , cigarette , lung , throat , cancer , dawn french , drink , drunk , photo , bloke - Current Score: 13 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| Paddy and Murphy have been away camping for a week and it's their last night before they return home, so they spend the evening in this country pub which was a couple of minutes walk away from the campsite. Shortly after arriving in the pub a freak storm occurs of torrential rain and high winds. Paddy and Murphy aren't bothered as they are having a great time downing pint after pint and joking with the locals. At closing time the storm has subsided somewhat and they both make their way back to the campsite but to their dismay, their tent has blown away. Even though they've had a few drinks Paddy suggests taking the car and finding a hotel. They jump in and head off down the road. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared on the passenger side and taps lightly on the window. Murphy screams out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!, I think it's a ghost Paddy!" This old man kept knocking, so Paddy says, "Well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So Murphy rolls his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old man softly replied, "You got a cigarette?" Murphy, terrified, looked at Paddy and said, "He wants a cigarette!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" Paddy replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaauggggg, there he is again!â Murphy yells." "Well see what he wants now!" yells back Paddy He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. Murphy throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window then yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden, again there is MORE knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear. The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of this mud?" | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged campsite , ghost , old man , cigarette - Current Score: 12 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| When do you know you had really good sex? When the neighbours need a cigarette too. | |
Joke by nassi, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , neighbours , cigarette - Current Score: -1 - Added: 4 weeks ago
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 9 queries and 0.02s processing. She's 6.55% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel