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| There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use: 10. What the fuck do you mean we're sinking? -- Capt. E.J Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912 9. What the fuck was that? -- Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945 8. Where did all these fucking Indians come from? -- Custer, 1877 7. Any fucking idiot could understand that. -- Einstein, 1938 6. It does so fucking look like her! -- Picasso, 1926 5. How the fuck did you work that out? -- Pythagoras, 126 BC 4. You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling? -- Michelangelo, 1566 3. Scattered fucking showers, my arse! -- Noah, 4314 BC 2 Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out? -- Bill Clinton, 1999 1. Geez, I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad. -- Saddam Hussein, 2003 Added by doversole: Must get that fucking handrail fixed. -- Robert Maxwell, 1991 added by woop123: i only wanted fucking world domination.-adolf hitler 1945 |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > fuck - Tagged history , acceptable , fuck , clinton , hussein - Current Score: 267 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: ''Nice pigs, sir.'' The President replied, ''These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.'' The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, ''Nice trade, sir''' | |
Joke by skimp, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged clinton , president , pigs , hillary , trade , marine , cunt - Current Score: 130 - Added: 5 months, 10 days ago
| What's the difference between Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy? One had his head blown off, the other was assassinated. | |
Joke by gartnavel, in Sex and shit > Oral Sex - Tagged assassination , clinton , jfk , presidents , america - Current Score: 73 - Added: 1 month, 28 days ago
| One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ. The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said . . . "OK, Monica, you're free to go." | |
Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged oj , monica , clinton , devil - Current Score: 54 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Bill Clinton isn't like other men. Other men get AIDS from sex. Clinton got sex from aides. | |
Joke by gartnavel, in Celebrity and news events > Bill Clinton - Tagged bill , clinton , lewinsky , sex , president , aids - Current Score: 24 - Added: 2 months, 16 days ago
| Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that, if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no-one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says, "okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?" "I believe you're in my chair." | |
Joke by baldlice, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged clinton , gore , america , politics , god - Current Score: 21 - Added: 5 months, 27 days ago
| Chelsea Clinton had been on a date so Hillary asked her if she had a good time. Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you"? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad." | |
Joke by exeter, in Celebrity and news events > Hillary Clinton - Tagged clinton , monica , chelsea , hillary , bill - Current Score: 21 - Added: 7 months, 2 days ago
| Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch." | |
Joke by ht, in Celebrity and news events > Bill Clinton - Tagged clinton , hillary , bill , baseball - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Bill Clinton, George Bush and Dick Cheney die and go up to the pearly gates to be judged. St. Peter makes them each stand in front of a huge door. Then a voice booms out, "Bill Clinton, you have led a sinful life, now this will be your punishment throughout all eternity." The door creaks slowly open, and an ugly old witch comes out, grabs Clinton by the arm, and drags him off. Then the voice booms, "George Bush, you have led a sinful life, now this will be your punishment throughout all eternity." Bush's door creaks open, a hideously ugly old hag comes out, gives an evil cackle, grabs Bush by the arm, and drags him off. Now Cheney is standing there by himself, wondering what's in store for him, when he notices a keyhole in his door. He looks through it and sees Paris Hilton. Then the voice booms out, "Paris Hilton, you have led a sinful life..." | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Dick Cheney - Tagged clinton , bush , cheney , paris hilton - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| President Clinton was to represent the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated "state visit" to Great Britain. Air Force One stopped at a bright red carpet along which the President strode to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeded through the streets en route to Buckingham Palace, the President and the Queen alternating between exchanging pleasantries and waving each out their respective windows to the cheering throngs. At one point, the right rear horse produced a thunderous, cataclysmic fart that reverberated through the air and rattled the doors of the coach. Presidents and Queens are, first and foremost, human beings. Their first reaction was to focus their attentions outside their respective windows, and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened. The Queen, steeped in decades of experience living with the mundane and bizarre together, was the first to realise that ignoring what had happened was ridiculous. "Mr. President, please accept my regrets...I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control." "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought; why, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses." | |
Joke by Jewbag Hitler, in Jokes with no home > Fart - Tagged president , clinton , usa , great britain , air force , politics , queen , horse , fart - Current Score: 3 - Added: 3 months, 29 days ago
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