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| A middle aged man and his wife live in a poor part of town and decide to rent out their second bedroom. They advertise and a beautiful young girl enquires about the room. The wife explains that because it is such an old terraced house there is no bath in the house so instead they use a big zinc bath in front of the fire in the living room. The young girl says, "It would be nice to have a bath in front of the open fire at night, but what about your husband?" The wife replies, "If you have a bath on a Monday or a Friday evening it will be fine because he always goes out to play darts from about 7 o'clock till after 11pm." "Okay!" the girl says. The next night is a Monday so the husband goes out and the wife brings in the zinc bath for the young lady and puts it in front of the fire. When the young lady undresses to get in the bath she notices the wife staring at her naked body. The wife thinks to herself that it's strange that the girl has no pubic hairs. Later that night when the wife goes to bed she tells her husband about the young lady having no pubic hair. "It must look very strange and unnatural, are you sure?" says the husband. The wife says, "I could leave the leave the curtains open just a little bit at the top so that you could peep through and see for your self next time she has a bath." So the following Friday they get the bath out and the husband goes out to his darts match. The young lady gets undressed and the wife asks, "Where's your pubes love?" The girl says "Pubes? I've never grown any." So the wife pulls her knickers down revealing a big bushy fanny with clock springs hanging out and says, "Here, this is what you should have!" Later that night in bed she is talking to her husband, who seems pissed off, and he says to his wife "She was lovely, but why on earth did you lift your skirt up and show your minge?" Th wife says "You must have seen me naked a thousand times, why are you bothered?" The bloke says- "I have, but the rest of the fucking darts team hadn't". |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Pubes - Tagged darts , team , pubes , girl , pub , zinc , bath , nickers , clock , springs , fire - Current Score: 152 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What do Jeremy Beadle and a clock face have in common? One big hand, one little hand and neither one can make it past 59!!! | |
Joke by welshmadman, in Celebrity and news events > Jeremy Beadle - Tagged jeremy , beadle , dead , clock , 59 - Current Score: 137 - Added: 10 months ago
| Paddy goes into a John Lewis department store and asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?" The shopkeeper looks at him and says, "Are you taking the piss? We sell cuckoo clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, alarm clocks... what the fuck is a potato clock?" And Paddy says, "I don't know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and the wife said 'You'd better get a potato clock.'" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , clock , potato , jeweller , cuckoo , carriage - Current Score: 97 - Added: 6 months, 5 days ago
| A man walks into a clock shop, whips out his knob and puts it on the counter. The girl behind the counter says, "excuse me sir, this is a clock shop, not a cock shop." To which the man replies, "that's okay, just put two hands and a face on this then." | |
Joke by stu71, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged clock , sex , shop , cock - Current Score: 94 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| How do you know when it's bedtime in Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand. | |
Joke by JossDude, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged michael jackson , paedophile , clock , time , bed - Current Score: 83 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..." | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Tits - Tagged boobs , hooters , tits , bosoms , breasts , clock - Current Score: 74 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Two patients at a mental hospital are walking down a corridor when one says "That clock on the wall, is it right?", and the other says "Yes", and the first says "Well whats it doing in here then!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Illness and mortality > Mental Hospital - Tagged mental , patient , clock , hospital - Current Score: 61 - Added: 1 month, 6 days ago
| This guy went on a blind date with a girl, and upon seeing her for the first time he said, "time stands still whenever I look into your eyes." After hearing this, the girl felt very flattered. What he really meant was, "you have a face that could stop a clock." | |
Joke by bicycle day, in Sex and shit > Ugly - Tagged blind date , ugly , clock , chatup line - Current Score: 44 - Added: 3 months, 6 days ago
| I moved into a new flat recently...had my friends round for a few beers to break the place in. One of my mates asked me what the big brass disc in the hallway was for. "It's my talking clock" I said. He wanted a demonstration so I thought I would show him how it worked. I walked up to the gong and gave it an almighty wallop. Almost immediately I heard a voice come from next door screaming, "What the fuck are you doing it? Its twenty past three in the fucking morning you stupid cunt!" | |
Joke by bigboy, in Jokes with no home > Neighbour - Tagged new flat , gong , clock , annoying cunt - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 week ago
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