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| A few years ago, Roy Chubby Brown was giving a stand up comedy performance at a dinner, and about 10 minutes into the set a guy got up and started walking towards the toilets. " Fucking hell," says Chubbs to the crowd " Where is this stupid cunt going?" The guy looked up at the fat cunt and said, " I'm just nipping for a quick piss before the comedian comes on." |    |
Joke by bizlop, in Celebrity and news events > Bernard Manning - Tagged chubby , comedian , roy chubby brown , piss , heckle , heckler , stupid cunt - Current Score: 123 - Added: 5 months ago
| I always wanted to be a comedian as a child. My Dad told me I should practice in the bath, so I did. The bad thing is, he said the same thing to my brother. He was an electrician. | |
Joke by jamese3, in Jokes with no home > Family - Tagged comedian , electrician , bath , tim vine - Current Score: 85 - Added: 3 months ago
| I went into a Chinese takeaway last night. The owner of the shop said, "what do you do for a riving?" I said, "what do I do for a living? I'm a bit of a comedian." So the Chinese chap says, "go on then, change colour." I said, "no! I'm not a chameleon, I'm a comedian." So then he says, "tell me a joke, make me raff." I said, "You want me to tell you a joke and make you laugh?" Just then his wok caught fire, so I said, "Wok! Wok!" And he said, "who der?" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Chinese - Tagged chinese , wok , joke , comedian , chameleon , i like chinese - Current Score: 64 - Added: 4 months, 24 days ago
| I once worked as a comedian at the local Alzheimer's society club, they liked my first joke so much I told it again and again and again. In fact I told it 26 times. After the show, this old bloke said to me, "I don't know how you remember them all!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged comedian , club , society , alheimers , old bloke , joke - Current Score: 49 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What's the difference between Sickipedia and a comedian suffering from Alzheimer's? The comedian doesn't repeat his jokes quite as often. | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Sickipedia - Tagged sickipedia , comedian , alzheimers , difference - Current Score: 36 - Added: 4 months ago
| My dad always said that being a comedian is the hardest job in the world. He was wrong - the hardest job in the world is presenting a comedy show like Mock The Week or 8 Out Of Ten Cats and having to pretend that the women on the panel are funny. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Jokes with no home > Women - Tagged women , comedy , mock the week , 8 out of 10 cats , comedian - Current Score: 35 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| I don't understand why there aren't many comedians with Down syndrome: I just find those kind of people really funny. | |
Joke by ididyourmom, in Illness and mortality > Downs Syndrome - Tagged down syndrome , comedian , funny , downs , special , disabled - Current Score: 22 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago
| When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now. | |
Joke by Fles, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged bob monkhouse , comedian - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 week ago
| I was a comedian at a charity party for people with incontinence. I had everyone pissing themselves. | |
Joke by nitrokausion, in Illness and mortality > Incontinence - Tagged incontinence , charity , comedian , piss - Current Score: 14 - Added: 2 months ago
| Funny Billy Connelly quotes: 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. When you are on a bus and you stand up and push the bell and the driver says "Do you want off at this stop" No i want off 10 stops away you fucking retard. 3. When people say "Are you going to finish all of that?" "No i bought it to eat half of it you fucking knob." 4. When people say "It's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 5. When you are in the cinema and someone says "This bit is good coming up" "Shut the fuck up I didn't pay to come and listen to a 5 minutes ahead running commentary." 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?." Didn't really give me a choice there, What if I said no? What would you do then sunshine.? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?." If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob Head? 9. People who say things like "Yeah ok 2 minutes" But realy they are going to be two fucking hours. 10. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate. 11. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. 12. McDonalds staff who are so stupid that when you ask for a coke with no ice,they go for your drink first and put ice in it, you just think to yourself, what the fuck are you doing you fucking tosser. | |
Joke by joker123, in Jokes with no home > billy connelly quotes - Tagged funny billy connelly quotes , billy connelly , scottish , comedian - Current Score: 6 - Added: 5 months ago
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