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| A man takes his nine year old daughter to the doctor. After several hours in the waiting room, (NHS...) they're called in. "Hello," the doctor says. "How can I help you?" The man nods, "It's my daughter, I was wondering if you could put her on birth control." "Birth control?" the doctor is incredulous. "She's too young to be sexually active!" "Sexually active?" the father says, "She just lies there like her mother!" |    |
Joke by co2, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged incest , paedophilia , sex , daughter , chemist , birth control , condom , paedophile , josef , fritzl , austria - Current Score: 439 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A young couple had just had great sex. When they were finished, she looked in the box of condoms, but there were only six left out of twelve, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?" His nervous reply was, "Er, I masturbated with them." Later, she then approached one of her Male friends, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?" "Yeah, once or twice," he said. "You mean you've actually wanked with a condom before?" she asked. "Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend." | |
Joke by baldlice, in Sex and shit > Girlfriend - Tagged wank , masturbate , lie , girlfriend , condom - Current Score: 247 - Added: 3 months ago
| What's the difference between a woman and a condom? It's a lot easier to piss a woman off. | |
Joke by geemack, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged woman , condom - Current Score: 182 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| I brought some of these flavoured condoms the other day. Said to my wife "Lets have a game, I put one on and you try to guess what favour it is" She closed her eyes went under the blanket and said " cheese and onion flavour" I said " for fucks sake give me time to put one on" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged condom , flavour , cheese , onion , penis , sex - Current Score: 167 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. "What size?" asks the clerk? "Gee, I don't know." "Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly. Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves. A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. "What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him, and then yells, "Clean up in aisle 4!" | |
Joke by stevo2560, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged condom , condom size , cock size , penis , semen - Current Score: 152 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I went into a shop the other day and bought some of those new super-sensitive condoms. They're brilliant! They hang around after you fuck off and talk to the bird about "relationships"... | |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged condom , sensitive , men , women - Current Score: 128 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| In response to the Labour party logo change, as told in this lovely passage.... "The Labour party have decided to change their party logo from a rose, to a condom because they feel it more accurately reflects their policies. This is because a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a good sense of security whilst you're being fucked." .... the Conservatives have also decided to change their logo to a condom, but one with a pin through it. This symbolises all the same attributes as the new Labour logo with the exception that it doesn't actually work. | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Politics - Tagged labour , conservative , condom - Current Score: 117 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A man is being shown around a latex factory. First of all he is shown the machine that makes baby bottle tits. The machine makes the sound: hiss, pop, hiss, pop. Now, the hissing noise is the latex being poured into the moulds, and the popping noise is the hole being put into the end of the tit. Next he is shown the machine that makes condoms. The machine makes the noise: hiss, hiss, hiss, pop, so the man says, "hang on a minute, I know that the hissing sound is latex being poured into the mould, but I can hear a popping noise." The manager of the factory says, "yes, sir, after every four condoms, we put a hole in one." "Fucking hell," the bloke says "that can't be very good for the condom industry!" "No," said the manager, "but it's fucking brilliant for the baby bottle tit business." | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged baby , bottle , tit , condom , pop , hiss - Current Score: 115 - Added: 3 months, 23 days ago
| My daughter told me she was pregnant the other day. I was more angry at myself than at her, to be honest. I knew I should have worn that condom. | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged condom , incest , daughter , inbred kids - Current Score: 106 - Added: 2 months, 21 days ago
| My condom split on me last night. It was terrible, there was spunk all over my keyboard. | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged wanking , condom , sperm , posh wank - Current Score: 106 - Added: 4 weeks ago
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