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| Political correctness gone mad! I'm advertising for a new job at my company and so in the advert I politely put "Muslims and Jews need not apply." Muslims are generally cool about it, Jews don't care - it's just those fuckers from the council who are round straight away threatening me with a court summons for active racial discimination. Stupid, dopey bastards. I'm a pork butcher, for fuck's sake. |    |
Joke by anthony4, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , muslim , jew , jews , pork butcher , political correctness , council , humourous true story - Current Score: 309 - Added: 5 months ago
| I've just sold my house for £250,000.........the council are going to go fucking mental. | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Celebrity and news events > Credit Crunch - Tagged council , house , mental , gary , glitter - Current Score: 150 - Added: 1 month ago
| Been doing some D.I.Y. around the house. So I rang the local council to ask can I have a skip outside my house. The bloke from the council said "you can cart wheel round the fucking block for all I care". | |
Joke by GIZZARD, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged d.i.y , council , house - Current Score: 143 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| The body of a dead baby has been found dumped at a council recycling centre. That's disgusting! The signs clearly say; Paper, Metal and Glass only. | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged council , dead baby , recycling - Current Score: 122 - Added: 2 months, 25 days ago
| A man gets home from work early one day and catches his wife in bed naked but alone. Being a little suspicious, he decides to look about the bedroom and, on entering the en suite bathroom, he catches a guy standing there totally naked. He says, "what the hell is going on here?" The guy replies, "it's okay: I'm from the council, we have had a report that you have a moth infestation." The husband says, "but you've got no clothes on!" The guy begins to beat himself down furiously saying, "the little bastards." | |
Joke by nattyp, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged adultery , naked , moths , husband , wife , council - Current Score: 48 - Added: 6 months, 25 days ago
| Three kids in a playground talking about their dads and how great they are. The first one says, "My dad is the fastest man in the world, he can outrun a tiger." The second says, "Mine can outrun a cheetah, he's so quick." The third is unimpressed and laughs, " Mine works for the council, so he's the fastest." "How?" the others ask. "He finishes work at 5.30 but he's home by 2. | |
Joke by mycockisbiggerthanyours, in Jokes with no home > Work - Tagged council , work , kids , fast , fastest , cheetah , tiger - Current Score: 48 - Added: 9 months, 30 days ago
| These are genuine clips from council complaint letters: 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow. 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. 6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. 8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? 9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall. 10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. 11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy. 13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. 14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. 15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. 16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. 17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me. 18. The man next door has as large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. 19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it. 20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night. 21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. 22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction. 23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2. | |
Joke by whats the point, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged council , repairs , dog , lists - Current Score: 28 - Added: 5 months, 27 days ago
| If God created the top half of a woman, who created the bottom half? Council workers - who else would put a play area next to a shithole!!! | |
Joke by neepster, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged god , council , tits , vagina - Current Score: 26 - Added: 1 month ago
| Leeds council have done a survey on what residences think about Polish in their city. 23% said there were too many and 77% said -" Pzwekj Oiv Djkevtski Polski"!! | |
Joke by Smiling assassin, in Religion and racism > Poles / Polish - Tagged council , immigrants , leeds - Current Score: 25 - Added: 7 months ago
| Extract from an official council care leaflet. Handy hints for pensioners. Save money on your heating bills. Make use of your free pass and ride around town all day on a nice warm bus. | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged council , pensioners , heating , bus - Current Score: 25 - Added: 2 months ago
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