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| Police today arrested a Thalidomide couple at Heathrow Airport. They were charged under the terrorism act, for trying to take small arms onto a plane. |    |
Joke by Rexton, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged thalidomide , police , airport , terrorism , small arms , terrorists , terrorist , small , arms , arrest , arrested , plane , planes , act , couple - Current Score: 131 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the postman was lying dead on their porch. | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged labour , couple , doctor , baby - Current Score: 110 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled-up , dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!" | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged taxi , husband , wife , garden , dog , driver , house , mother , cab , couple , coat - Current Score: 68 - Added: 8 months ago
| A couple are on Safari in Africa, They see a lion licking another lion's arse. They ask the tour guide: "Is that how lions wash in the wild?" "No," replies the guide, "the one at the back just ate a Paki and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth." | |
Joke by screamlol, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged safari , africa , paki , lions , arse , wash , tour guide , couple - Current Score: 28 - Added: 4 months ago
| A couple are snogging away when suddenly the woman breaks off and says "Ooh, I think you just passed me your chewing gum." The bloke replies "Ah, sorry, I've got bronchial asthma." | |
Joke by Monty Propps, in Sex and shit > Sick - Tagged kiss , asthma , snog , sex , sick , phlegm , snot , couple , gross - Current Score: 25 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A tramp is having a shag in the cemetery. Another tramp comes along and says "hey, can I have a go?" "Fuck off, cunt, go dig your own up." | |
Joke by geebee, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged couple , shag , cunt - Current Score: 22 - Added: 4 months ago
| A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "we were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "let's relive some old times." Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago. "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal." | |
Joke by prydwen, in Sex and shit > Tits - Tagged old , couple , naked - Current Score: 17 - Added: 6 months ago
| A young married couple were sitting in the cinema. After a while the woman said to her husband, "The man next to me is masturbating." "Ignore him honey," replied the man. "Come on we'll move seats." "I can't" she said, "He's using my hand." | |
Joke by superhorse, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged masturbation , wanking , cinema , married , couple - Current Score: 12 - Added: 1 year ago
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