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| Politics explained for dumb people ----------------------------------- Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour. Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk. Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk. Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you. Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.. Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. A American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead. A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide. A German Corporation: You have 2 cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A British Corporation: You have 2 cows. Both are mad. An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A Russian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your ass. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....... Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!' Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows... Hong Kong Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad. An Arkansas Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. An Indian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You worship them. An Australian Corporation: You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate. |    |
Joke by chris732, in Jokes with no home > Politics - Tagged cows , politics , funny - Current Score: 126 - Added: 4 months ago
| Teacher to class, today children we will be doing what noises animals make. "Lucy, what do cows say?" Lucy: "Moo, miss." "Very good, Lucy. Ben, what do sheep say?" Ben: "Baaaaaa, miss." "Very good, Ben. Leroy what do pigs say?" Leroy: "What's in the bag, nigga?" | |
Joke by dixie normous, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged cows , sheep , pigs , animals , dixie normous - Current Score: 114 - Added: 4 months ago
| Two cows in a field, one says "moooo". The other one says "fucking hell, I was gonna say that!" | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged cows , moo - Current Score: 40 - Added: 8 months ago
| What's the difference between cows and beatles? Heather Mills disapproves of milking cows. | |
Joke by TGS, in Celebrity and news events > Heather Mills - Tagged cows , beatles , heather mills , milking - Current Score: 38 - Added: 9 months ago
| Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," replies Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" | |
Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged cows , dolly - Current Score: 19 - Added: 11 months ago
| A female reporter went to a farm to interview a farmer about mad cow disease. She asks the farmer about the causes of mad cow disease but farmer says to the her "Did you know we milk the cows four times a day?" the reporter is confused by the farmers random information and is about to carry on regardless but the farmer says "And did you know the bull mates with the cow once a year?", She, the reporter, is slightly annoyed now and says "Sir, that's all very interesting but what's the point?" the farmer smirks and replies "Well miss if I played with your tits 4 times a day and shagged you once a year wouldn't you go mad too?" | |
Joke by Grunge Pixie, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged animal , reporter , farm , farmer , cows - Current Score: 7 - Added: 7 months ago
| A salesman came to my door to sell us a washing machine the other day. I was in the barn at the time and my wife answered the door so she said to him "Go down to my husband, he's just in the barn. He deals with all that malarky." So he came down to the barn and said "Hello sir, I'm calling round to see if you'd be interested in buying my washing machine" I said to him "I'm going to tell you a story." "You see that cow?", I said. "Yes" He said. "Yesterday, I went to milk that cow. When I put the bucket under her udder, she kicked me in the face with her left foot. So I tied her leg to a rope and tied the other end to that beam up there. I got back down again and she kicked me in the face with her other foot. So I tied a rope to her other leg and tied it to another beam up there. When I got back down again, she smacked me in the face with her shittied up tail. So I tied a rope to it and attatched it to the beam above your head. I decided to have a quick pee before I started milking her and just as I was doing my zipper up, my wife walked in. Now, if you can convice my wife that I wasn't going to fuck that cow, I'll buy your bloody washing machine." | |
Joke by joshtadman, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged cows , wife , sex - Current Score: 2 - Added: 1 year ago
| An old bull and a young bull are stood on top of a hill looking down at a herd of cows. The young bull turns to the old bull and says "Let's run down the hill and fuck us one of those cows!", to which the old bull replies "No son, lets walk down the hill and fuck them all" (a good tale to tell any over enthusiastic work colleague) | |
Joke by TheGreasyWeasel, in Jokes with no home > Cows - Tagged bull , fuck , hill , cows - Current Score: 1 - Added: 5 months ago
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