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| I slept with one of those 'high class' prostitutes the other week. I'm not happy though, the bitch gave me lobsters. |    |
Joke by Randall, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitute , crabs , lobsters , high class , bitch - Current Score: 224 - Added: 4 months ago
| Sing a song of syphilis, A fanny full of crabs, Four and twenty ulcers, and twice as many scabs When the scabs are opened, The cunt begins to sing, "What a fuckin' dirty place to put your penis in!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Limerick - Tagged syphillis , crabs , scabs , ulcers , penis , fanny , cunt - Current Score: 98 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| There once was a girl called Louise, Whose pubes hung down to her knees, So the crabs in her twat, Tied her hairs in a platt, And constructed a flying trapeze | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Limerick - Tagged girl , pubes , twat , crabs , trapeze , limerick - Current Score: 74 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| When I got home from work today I asked the wife what she put on my sandwiches "Crab paste, dear" she replied "Crab paste?" I replied, "Where did you get that from?" I asked. "The Chemist" she replied | |
Joke by Doncaster Blue, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged food , crabs - Current Score: 47 - Added: 11 months ago
| My wife is the strict parent so my eight-year-old daughter asked if I would give her some pets for her birthday this year... we kept it our little secret... ...but my wife found out, and predictably went ballistic... ...I mean, who doesn't like crabs? | |
Joke by pally76, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged daughter , crabs - Current Score: 33 - Added: 4 months ago
| A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'. 'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?' The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.' The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.' He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. 'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news? 'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again! | |
Joke by anglebiter, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged australia , dead , dead wife , fishing , crabs - Current Score: 32 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was fingering herself furiously. He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so the man started fingering her like crazy. When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. "Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly. "Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching!" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Sexual Diseases - Tagged cinema , crabs , vd , finger , itch - Current Score: 28 - Added: 10 months ago
| Just watched a program on Channel 4 about some canadian blokes who go out trying to catch crabs two months a year! Surely 90% of men in Manchester do that every weekend? | |
Joke by appyhammer, in Jokes with no home > television - Tagged crabs , manchester - Current Score: 27 - Added: 5 months, 30 days ago
| True meanings of the Zodiac. Cancer (the crab). You've caught something bad. It could be cancer, it could be crabs - either way say goodbye to your pubes. | |
Joke by yourface, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged zodiac , pubes , crabs , cancer , ronnie johns - Current Score: 26 - Added: 3 months, 30 days ago
| What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common? They both irritate Bush. | |
Joke by BristolCities, in Celebrity and news events > George Bush - Tagged osama bin laden , bush , crabs - Current Score: 18 - Added: 3 months ago
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