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| God created man, stepped back and said "perfect!" He then created woman, stepped back, had a long look and said "Fuck me! this'll have to wear make up!" |    |
Joke by lunchy bunsworth, in Jokes with no home > Make Up - Tagged god , women , creation - Current Score: 192 - Added: 1 month ago
| god sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied god, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. god explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "for example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." god continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by god's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said god. "That's Britain, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, and hills. The people from Britain are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Archangel Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about the balance, god? You said there will be balance!" god replied wisely, "Wait until you see the cunts I'm putting next to them in France." "Yes, to anyone still in disbelief, you're expected to believe the british are 'sociable, hard-working and high-achieving carriers of peace' I suppose the joke wouldn't work if it said 'racist, lazy, benefit scroungers pining for the glory days of slaughtering poorly armed natives by blindly following the yanks into one war after another.' suppose God really is a cunt then eh? | |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Religion and racism > God - Tagged god , south , england , earth , archangel michael , creation - Current Score: 71 - Added: 9 months ago
| Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt. | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged cunt , creation - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| If you believe in creation as proposed in the Bible, then Adam and Eve's children would actually have had to have sex with one another for the Earth to have become populated. This is surely proof that Alabama was at one time the Garden of Eden. | |
Joke by jmtRyan, in Religion and racism > Adam And Eve - Tagged creation , eden , alabama - Current Score: 34 - Added: 5 months, 23 days ago
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