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| The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down. A voice came from the cubicle next to me: 'Hello mate, how are you doing?' Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied 'Not too bad thanks.' After a short pause, I heard the voice again 'So, what are you up to?' Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, 'Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?' The next thing I heard him say was "sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some cunt in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say.' |    |
Joke by johnboy, in Jokes with no home > true - Tagged toilet , crap , phone , toilet humour , gags , cunt - Current Score: 1499 - Added: 5 months ago
| I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me, "Oi, what's your disability?" I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!" | |
Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > Tourettes - Tagged disability , cunt , traffic , tourettes , warden , disabled , shouted , fuck , fuck off , parking , space - Current Score: 1057 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over. | |
Joke by Geoff the Clownfish, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged cash machine , old lady , balance , pushed , push , over , fall , cunt , old - Current Score: 1051 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What do you call Tim Westwood in a car? A Cunt. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Tim Westwood - Tagged tim , westwood , cunt , car - Current Score: 365 - Added: 10 months ago
| A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. As the copper is writing up the ticket, the guy asks... "Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?" "Yes" replies the cop. He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?" "No" replies the cop. "Well then," says the man, "I think you're a cunt!" | |
Joke by poosmellsyucky, in Celebrity and news events > Michael J Fox - Tagged cop , cunt - Current Score: 284 - Added: 11 months ago
| What's the difference between Heather Mills and a Venus fly-trap? A Venus fly-trap is a plant. Heather Mills is a cunt. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Heather Mills - Tagged heather mills , botany , cunt - Current Score: 272 - Added: 5 months ago
| What's nine inches long and dangles in front of a cunt? Steve McLaren's tie | |
Joke by Monkeyman, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged football , soccer , mcclaren , cunt - Current Score: 267 - Added: 9 months ago
| The strangest thing happened to me last night... I put my dinner in the oven as normal, and I must have left it for about 20 minutes before going back to check on it. To my surprise, when I opened the oven door, the whole thing had gone. Tray, food, everything - not a trace. Last time I buy McCann's Oven Chips... | |
Joke by The Barren of Saturday, in Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann - Tagged madeleine mccann , maddie , cunt - Current Score: 262 - Added: 4 months ago
| For years I thought my dad suffered from Tourettes. Turns out he just thought I was a fucking cunt. | |
Joke by stu71, in Illness and mortality > Tourettes - Tagged dad , cunt , swearing , years , tourettes - Current Score: 224 - Added: 2 months ago
| A lesbian goes to a nutritionist because she has indigestion. The nutritionist says, "it's simple - you are what you eat." So the lesbian turns to her and says, "are you calling me a cunt?" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Gay - Tagged lesbian , cunt , weight watchers - Current Score: 221 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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