I still cannot believe Dannii Minogue has the audacity to be a singing judge on national television. It's the equivalent of Stephen Hawking telling you, "You can't dance!"

I went up to this girl in a bar and said to her, "Would you like to dance?" She replied, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." So I said, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said, you look fat in those pants."

George Sampson, teenage winner of Britain's Got Talent '08, has been advised by doctors never to perform his winning dance routine in public, for fear that it may leave him crippled for life. It's not that the routine itself is dangerous. It's just that if he keeps dancing like a queer, he's likely to get the shit kicked out of him when he goes back to school.

How would a dyslexic person dance the Y.M.C.A.?

Why do mice have small balls ? Not that many of them know how to dance !

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Sue.He arrived at her house and rang the bell. "Oh,come on in!" Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in." Have a seat in the living room.Would you like something to drink?Lemonade?Tea?" " Tea,please", Fred said.Mam brought the tea.... " So,what are you and Sue planning to do tonight?" She asked. " Oh,probably catch a movie,and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the wimpey bar,maybe take a walk on the beach...." " Sue likes to screw,you know" Mam informed him. " Really?" Fred replied;eyebrows rose. " Oh yes," the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!" " Is that so?" asked Fred." Yes" said the mother." As a matter of fact,she'd screw all night if we let her!" " Well thanks for the tip!"Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening. A moment later,Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt,and wearing her hair tied in a bouncy ponytail.She greeted Fred. " Have fun,kids!"The mother said as they left. Half an hour later,a completely disheveled Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her. " The twist,mam!" She angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. " The fucking dance is called the twist!"

In response to RedNolan1984's joke: "I still cannot believe Dannii Minogue has the audacity to be a singing judge on national television. It's the equivalent of Stephen Hawking telling you, "You can't dance"!" But have you never seen Stephen Hawking doing the robot?

Did you here about the Epileptic that won the break dancing competition? He just got up to get a pack of smokes!

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?" Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." Passenger. "Wow, some guy, ehh? Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them." "Passenger" Mmm, not many like that around." Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank." Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?" Cabbie: "I married his widow."

I went out with a girl for the first time the other night. We went clubbing and had a great time, she was going crazy on the dance floor. It was only when the lights came on I realised she was epileptic.

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