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| Dave the Scouser is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar. "Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who's he?" "Gee, that's the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!" Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football. He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?" "Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply. Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?" "Leeds," replied the memory man. Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?" The wise Red Indian didn't hesitate in answering, "2-1." Dave thinks he'll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John." Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave's curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to American and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave. Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue. "How," Dave says. The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box." |    |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged liverpool , nevada , desert , indian , red , memory , 2-1 , dave - Current Score: 253 - Added: 8 months ago
| Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt really guilty. No matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice say, "don't worry Dave, you aren't the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be the last, plus you're single, just let it go." But, invariably, the other voice would bring him back to reality by whispering, "Dave, you're a fucking vet." | |
Joke by BigJockKnew, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , patient , sex , voice , dave - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 year ago
| I was unaware the Paralympics had started. I have been checking Sky ParaComedy1 and ParaComedy2, which I thought were especially designed for the event, but they don't seem to be screening it. | |
Joke by staffer, in Celebrity and news events > Paralympics - Tagged paracomedy , dave , paralympics , sky - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 month ago
| I like to watch Mock The Week on Dave, so I can shout "DUPLICATE!" at all the jokes! | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Jokes with no home > Mock The Week - Tagged mock the week , dave , duplicate - Current Score: 30 - Added: 2 months ago
| So, I was working in a library and this bloke comes up to me and says, "Do you have a bookmark?" I said, "Yes, we have hundreds...but my name's Dave" | |
Joke by daveybabey, in Jokes with no home > Puns - Tagged library , dave , bookmark - Current Score: 24 - Added: 5 months, 18 days ago
| There once was a fellow named Dave Who dug up a whore from her grave She was mouldy as shit And missing a tit But think of the money he saved | |
Joke by Badvirus, in Jokes with no home > Limerick - Tagged dave , grave , shit , tit - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Two dwarfs decide they want to get laid so they go to the brothel and hire two girls and go into neighbouring rooms. Hamish gets a really hot girl and he is over the moon but just as they're beginning he realises he can't get an erection. He is really annoyed by this and he carries on trying for his remaining three hours driven by how much screaming and heavy breathing is coming from his friends room next door. Three hours pass and he gets nothing so he pays up and leaves. 15 minutes later Dave comes out of his room very red in the face and says to Hamish "So...how was your night? It was very quiet" Hamish replies "It was fucking shit I couldn't get hard" Dave replies "You think your night was bad I couldn't get on the bastard bed" | |
Joke by Tomo123, in Illness and mortality > Dwarf - Tagged dwarves , dave , hamish , erection - Current Score: 6 - Added: 10 months ago
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