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| Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents? "He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter." "Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family." "They died together,the perfect couple till the end." Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife. Kind of makes me immortal. |    |
Joke by justincider, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged perfect , family , death - Current Score: 3628 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| I'd just like to thank all those people who have taken the time to put lovely bouquets of flowers by the side of the road. It really brightens up my drive to work. | |
Joke by billybobbob, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged death , driving , flowers - Current Score: 580 - Added: 1 month ago
| I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, "you're next." They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals. | |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged aunt , wedding , funeral , death - Current Score: 553 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The Welsh mining industry looks set for a come-back...... Apparently they've found some copper in Snowdonia. | |
Joke by thecorinthian, in Celebrity and news events > Police - Tagged death , news , uk , police - Current Score: 356 - Added: 8 months ago
| A recent survey found that Africa was in fact the happiest continent to live in. Everyone there seemed positive. | |
Joke by lolacaust, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged africa , aids , positive , death - Current Score: 319 - Added: 2 months ago
| Little Johnny goes into school after being absent the previous day, His teacher demands, "Where were you yesterday?" "I'm sorry Miss, my dad got burnt," replies Johnny. "Oh,I'm sorry,I hope it wasn't serious," says the teacher. To which Johnny replies, "Well, they don't fuck about at the crematorium, Miss." | |
Joke by stu71, in Illness and mortality > Dying - Tagged death , teacher , little johnny , dad - Current Score: 307 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Two chavs race their Novas off a cliff to see who hits the bottom first. Who wins? Society. | |
Joke by Ciabi, in Religion and racism > Chavs - Tagged chavs , cars , racing , death , chav , cliff , society , win , wins - Current Score: 299 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Did you hear about the 9 year old African boy? He was going through a mid-life crisis. | |
Joke by twayne, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged africa , death , mid life crisis , black , blacks , nigger , niggers - Current Score: 283 - Added: 4 months, 24 days ago
| Bono is at a U2 concert when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from near the front pierces the silence... "Well, fucking stop it then!" | |
Joke by ht, in Celebrity and news events > Bono - Tagged bono , u2 , african , child , death - Current Score: 280 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| I said "Darling, let's try something new in the bedroom... I'll get some chocolate spread, some whipped cream, and a few strawberries. "Then I'll paint my cock with the chocolate spread, and call the kids in for a 'special treat'. Then, one by one, I'll pop the strawberries up my arse, squirt cream down my crack, and while Emily deepthroats me for the last of the chocolate, Jessica can my lick my arsehole and swallow strawberries as I shit them out. "Then it'll be time to pop their cherries. I'll start with Jess cos she's already 9, she'll be a bit more developed. While I'm fucking her childish vagina, Emily can lick up the blood and get her own tiny cunt ready for a good stretching. "Then I'll finish off by banging them in the arse a couple of times before squirting my load over their pretty little faces. Shall we give it a go?" My wife looked stunned. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" she said. I said "Fuck me you're into some weird shit" | |
Joke by storyteller, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged incest , necrophilia , paedophilia , virgin , aristocrats , rape , woman , cunt , death , kids , cock , paedo , fuck , arse , children , dad , daughter , sick - Current Score: 266 - Added: 1 week ago
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