Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for his family, but doesn't tell the kids what it is. He says he'll give them a clue, "It's what mum calls me sometimes." The little girl screams, "Don't eat it, it's a fucking arsehole!" |    |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > families - Tagged kids , deer , arsehole - Current Score: 43 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Jokes that only work in Scotland A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist. "Govan," she replies. What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie. A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set of antlers?" "Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter. "That's affa deer," says the guy. Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo. After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies. What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan. A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing. "No," argues the assistant, "look at the label - it says Taiwan ." What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud." And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe." What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly bastard. What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident? The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik. While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: "What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?" "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says. "Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?" "I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies. Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - "Aye right." A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking along Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "What's up, Jimmy?" he asks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel..." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Scottish - Tagged scottish , jimmy , govan , deer , glasgow , aberdeen , scotsman , aye - Current Score: 26 - Added: 11 months ago
| A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. "Well" he said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes". The little girl screams, 'Don't eat it..... Its a fucking arsehole! | |
Joke by baldlice, in Jokes with no home > Not Sure - Tagged deer , hunter , food , arsehole , asshole , girl - Current Score: 25 - Added: 4 months, 27 days ago
| I've just been offered 8 legs of venison for £50. Is that 2 deer? | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged meat , deer , venison , butcher - Current Score: 16 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
elcomaximus got buried to -6. Reveal Joke
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.01ms doing 7 queries and 0.01s processing. She's 1.59% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel