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| Husband and wife... BEFORE MARRIAGE: Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait! Wife - Do you want me to leave? Husband - No! Don't even think about it. Wife - Do you love me? Husband - Of course! Always have and always will! Wife - Have you ever cheated on me? Husband - No! Why are you even asking? Wife - Will you kiss me? Husband - Every chance I get! Wife - Will you hit me? Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?! Wife - Can I trust you? Husband - Yes. Wife - Darling! AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top. |    |
Joke by poosmellsyucky, in Sex and shit > Husband - Tagged marraige , sex , divorce - Current Score: 750 - Added: 4 months, 30 days ago
| How come, when a couple get divorced, the bloke has to pay his ex-wife a share of his future earnings but the woman doesn't have to do the bloke's future housework? | |
Joke by got spunk, in Jokes with no home > Divorce - Tagged divorce , women , greedy sluts - Current Score: 158 - Added: 3 days ago
| "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife 775 pounds a week." "That's very fair, your honour." the husband said "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself!". | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Divorce - Tagged divorce , court , judge , honour , husband , wife - Current Score: 119 - Added: 3 months ago
| Just remember, there are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's. | |
Joke by munkybars, in Sex and shit > Divorce - Tagged sides , divorce , yours , wife , shithead - Current Score: 119 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| "Before I come to a decision on these divorce proceedings, does anyone wish to speak?" asked the Judge. The lawyer for the husband stood up and replied, "M'lud, may I just bring to your attention once again, that what my client did was out of chivalry. Since when was it wrong to open a door for a lady?" "I'm not disputing a chivalrous act," replied the Judge," but I think you're overlooking the fact that the car was travelling at 70 mph at the time." | |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged divorce , . , chivalry - Current Score: 89 - Added: 5 months ago
| What's better than having £24m? Having two legs. | |
Joke by kie99, in Celebrity and news events > Heather Mills - Tagged heather , mccartney , divorce , marriage - Current Score: 77 - Added: 5 months ago
| A Match Made in Heaven... On their way to get married, a loving couple get into car accident that proves fatal. The couple is sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to finish the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter replies, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?" | |
Joke by gangrath, in Religion and racism > Heaven - Tagged lawyer , marriage , divorce - Current Score: 67 - Added: 10 months ago
| A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, "How can I help you?" The farmer said, "I want to get one of them dayvorces." The lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yes, I got 40 acres" The lawyer said, "No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays." The lawyer said, "No, no, I mean, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere. The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?" The farmer said,"Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere" The lawyer said, "Does your wife beat you up or something?" The farmer said, "No, we both get up at 4:30." The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?" The farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants me a fackin' dayvorce." | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Rednecks - Tagged hillbill , divorce , farmer , suit , chuch , case , lawyer - Current Score: 57 - Added: 9 months ago
| I lost 250 pounds in one day. I divorced her. | |
Joke by AS, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged divorce , fat , as , marraige , wife , woman - Current Score: 55 - Added: 2 months ago
| Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. | |
Joke by gangrath, in Sex and shit > Divorce - Tagged divorce - Current Score: 54 - Added: 8 months ago
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