Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
| What's the most sensitive part of your body when you're having a wank? Your ears. |    |
Joke by Cleveland Steamer, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged wank , ears , body part - Current Score: 534 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| My girlfriend said she wanted to try and get rid of her love handles. I said she would look fucking stupid without any ears. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Girlfriend - Tagged love handles , ears , girlfriend - Current Score: 168 - Added: 1 month ago
| Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses". | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged neighbour , ears , baby , dad , glasses , little johnny - Current Score: 53 - Added: 1 year ago
| Monica Lewinsky turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees. | |
Joke by cooperman, in Celebrity and news events > Monica Lewinsky - Tagged love handles , ears - Current Score: 48 - Added: 8 months ago
| After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse. "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." "Well," said the nurse, "the first is from the surgeon- the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks." "Ahhh, thats really nice!" said Lucy. "The second is from your husband- he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Lucy. "And the third?" "That's from Eric in the burns unit." said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!" | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Jokes with no home > Medical - Tagged medical , ears , vagina , surgery , wife - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' magazine, they say the position you sleep in says a lot about you. They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive, women who sleep on their stomachs are competent, and women who sleep on their backs with their ankles behind their ears are very popular. | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged sleep , position , ears , popular , ankles - Current Score: 31 - Added: 3 months ago
| Frank was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Frank decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Frank asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice, you have no ears." Frank got very angry and threw him out. The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" and she replied: "Well, you have no ears." Frank again was upset and tossed her out. The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And, he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Frank was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses." Frank was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?" The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fuckin' ears!" | |
Joke by PALROSS, in Illness and mortality > Accident - Tagged frank , ears , interview , glasses - Current Score: 30 - Added: 11 months ago
| These two Irishmen went for a job. And the first one goes in and sees the bloke interviewing him has got these two ears, one on his forehead and the other on his chin. He sits down and the fella says, 'Now, do you notice anything at all unusual about me?' So the Irishman says, 'Yeah, you've got these funny ears, look, one's on your forehead and the other one's on your chin.' The fella says, 'You cheeky bastard. How dare you be so insulting. Fuck off out and send the next bloke in.' So he goes out to his mate and says, 'Listen, be careful not to mention his ears. He's a bit sensitive about them.' So the second bloke goes in and the interviewer says, 'Good morning, now before we start, do you notice anything at all unusual about me?' So the fella says, 'No.' 'Are you absolutely sure?' He says. 'Well, sir, I can see you wear contact lenses.' 'How on earth can you tell that?' the bloke asks. 'Well, you'd never get a pair of spectacles to fit over them fuckin' ears.' | |
Joke by manning79, in Jokes with no home > Job - Tagged job interview , glasses , ears , contact lenses - Current Score: 29 - Added: 10 months ago
| A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said: " Yes, I can put you right." After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells: "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears." "Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's." "You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!" | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged accident , ears , women - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What do blondes put behind there ears to attract men? Their ankles | |
Joke by CUTTSY, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blondes , ears , ankles , sex - Current Score: 22 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.04ms doing 12 queries and 0.08s processing. She's 0.53% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel