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| My wife went to see a sex therapist/marriage help guru lady, and, anyway, she came back with a suggestion. "Darling, you must tell me when you are about to ejaculate." "How can I, you daft bitch," I replied, "you're never there." |    |
Joke by twayne, in Sex and shit > Ejaculation - Tagged wife , ejaculate , sex marraige , wanking , duplicate - Current Score: 34 - Added: 5 months ago
| What's the difference between an apple and a baby? You don't ejaculate on an apple before you eat it. | |
Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged apple , baby , come , ejaculate , wank , eat - Current Score: 32 - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago
| I met my girlfriend's father for the first time yesterday. I don't think he liked me. My mates told me to just be honest. You should have seen the look he gave me when I said, "Hello sir, I'm Dave. Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." | |
Joke by daveybabey, in Sex and shit > Daughters - Tagged cumshot , cum , ejaculate , ejaculation , sex , dad , father , girlfriend - Current Score: 28 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| You probably know this already, but TV X are running an alternative "Sex Olympics." Apparently the British team came first in the breast stroke, which was disappointing. | |
Joke by lionarse, in Sex and shit > Ejaculation - Tagged olympics , british , cum , came , ejaculate , sex , tits , pun - Current Score: 18 - Added: 3 months ago
| Some Interesting Sexual Performances The Spiderman: Ejaculating on your hand and then slapping someone with that hand, when said hand leaves the face a distinct web can be seen The Campino (aka The Strawberry Cheesecake): Ejaculating all over your sexual partners face then punching them right in the nose, the mix of blood and semen looks like one of those Campino Sweets. The Donkey Punch: While in the act of anal sex, punch your sexual partner at the point where the head meets the neck, the anal sphincter then tightens, producing an effect that most would call "more desirable" Please feel free to add to this list! [Addition: The Dirty Sanchez: A surprise attack whereby you stick a finger into your partner's anus, then use the finger to draw a moustache on her top lip. This one cost me my second marriage, but lol it was worth it!] [Addition: The Spiderman 2: When you're fucking her from behind, pull out, spit on her back and cum in your hand. When she turns around, flick it in her eye] [Addition: The Angry Pirate: Cum in her eye then kick her in the shin] [Addition: The Rusty Hook: stick your finger up your anus then choose some body at random and hook the inside of their cheek using the same finger] [Addition: The superman . . . bend her over fuck her up the arse before you cum pull it out and cum on her back then slap a blanket on when she stands up shes got a cape. . . u might recognise this from souljah boy 'Superman that hoe'!!] [Addition: Surprise Sex....................................Rape] [Addition Adam Ant Sex- Leave a stripe across her nose] [Addition: the penguin-- whilst fucking a girl in her arse, spit on her back so she thinks youve comed, when she turns around, punch her in the eye, and fuck her harder, then the net day youll see her wadleing like a penguin, with one dark eye :] [Addition: Superman 2 -- when ur girlfriend won't shag you, wait till shes asleep then have a wank, cum up her back and stick the sheet to her, when she wakes up it will be stuck like a cape (and yes ive done it.) [Addition: Angry Dragon -- cum in ur girlfriends mouth then punch her in the throat and watch the cum come out of her nose ;) | |
Joke by bigdandestroyer, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , cum , sperm , semen , ejaculate , anal , punch , cheese , spiderman , happyslapping - Current Score: 9 - Added: 7 months ago
| Why is it women are never pleased with men, no matter what men do? It's because no man has a dick that is made of chocolate that ejaculates money. | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged women , dicks , ejaculate - Current Score: 5 - Added: 9 months ago
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