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| America got a new President today. Let me be the first Brit in saying, "I don't give a fuck". |    |
Joke by screamlol, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged elections , president , america , fuck , usa , barack , obama - Current Score: 177 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Golden Gate. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They're having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven," he says. So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell and the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "When I was here previously, there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "When you were last here, we were campaigning...... Today you have voted." | |
Joke by templett, in Jokes with no home > Elections - Tagged senator , heaven , hell , testing , voting , elections - Current Score: 115 - Added: 10 months ago
| Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain were flying to a debate. Barack looked at Hillary, Chuckled and said, 'You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.' Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.' John added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.' Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 325 million people very happy.' | |
Joke by niggers out, in Celebrity and news events > Elections - Tagged president , elections , pilot , barack obama , hillary clinton , john mccain - Current Score: 49 - Added: 5 months, 25 days ago
| According to Yahoo News, its America's casino mentality that has caused the current financial crisis. And now it looks like they will be betting everything on black in a few weeks time. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Celebrity and news events > Credit Crunch - Tagged presidential roulette , betting , casino , credit crunch , elections , black president - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 month ago
| "Barack Obama is to leave the US campaign trail for a few days to visit his sick grandmother, who helped raise him as a child." If he's so desperate for the sympathy vote, he should have had her raped and killed by a white republican. | |
Joke by richdc, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged president , america , republican , democrat , campaign , election , elections , presidential , candidate , colour , mother , barack obama , sympathy , parent , murder - Current Score: 10 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| Barack Obama recently said that he wanted to follow in the footsteps of his political heroes, Lincoln, Kennedy and Luther King. Surely this means he wants to be assassinated? | |
Joke by OhMyActualDays, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged obama , lincoln , kennedy , luther king , lol , america , elections - Current Score: 7 - Added: 1 month ago
| Normally the white house would be checked regularly for Bombs, listening devices and the like. From now on though the procedure will just be to make sure any items of value are glued down. | |
Joke by foxface, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged barack obama , elections , white house - Current Score: 7 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| The US elections were a bit of a foregone conclusion really. I think it was Henry Ford who said: "You can have any colour, as long as it's black..." | |
Joke by tomrollock, in Celebrity and news events > Elections - Tagged black , elections - Current Score: 0 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| White House staff have been left embarassed by John McCain's defeat in the US election. They've had to hurriedly cancel their order for a walk-in bath in the West Wing. | |
Joke by levy_lump, in Celebrity and news events > John McCain - Tagged john mccain , elderly , white house , elections , west wing - Current Score: -3 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| How can we keep the presidency out of John McCain's reach? I know! Put it on a shelf above shoulder height. | |
Joke by levy_lump, in Celebrity and news events > Elections - Tagged john mccain , president , us election , elections , usa , barack obama - Current Score: -4 - Added: 2 weeks ago
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