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| Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mummy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" "That, son, is the elephant's penis." "Mummy said it was nothing." "Your mother's spoiled, Son!" |    |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged penis , elephant , mummy , daddy , erection - Current Score: 792 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| 80-year old Betty bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Betty thinks a minute and says, "Close enough." | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged retirement , sex , elephant - Current Score: 309 - Added: 5 months, 22 days ago
| I took my 6 year old son to the zoo last week. We were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden he yells, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you call it?” I asked. “It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, ... and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant. | |
Joke by EdgarBriggs, in Jokes with no home > Zoo - Tagged african , elephant , zoo , son - Current Score: 141 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you." The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!" | |
Joke by Token, in Jokes with no home > Drugs - Tagged elephant , joint , forest , giraffe - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 year ago
| What's grey and comes in pints? An elephant. | |
Joke by 619no1, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged animals , elephant - Current Score: 86 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a huge hole in my ass." The doctors says, "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look. Fuck me!! What could have made a hole as big as that?" The patient replies, "I've been fucked by an elephant." The doctor says, "but an elephant's penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous." The patient replies, "he fingered me first." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged elephant , rape , arse - Current Score: 75 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| The Unforgettable Elephant Story In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dans legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant! | |
Joke by JamesRose, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged elephant , zoo , kenya , killed - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What's the biggest draw back in the Jungle? An elephant's foreskin! | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged elephant , foreskin , jungle , draw back - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Bloke walks into a bar with an elephant. "This elephant will do anything," he announces proudly. "All right," says the barman. "Make it stand on one leg." So the bloke lifts the elephant's ear up and whispers something to the elephant. Moments later the great grey beast lifts itself up onto its hind legs then carefully balances itself up on one leg. The crowd in the bar go wild with enthusiastic cheering. "Very clever," says the barman. "Now lets see it fuck my cat." And so saying, he plonks the genial bar cat onto the bar. The bloke with the elephant thinks a moment then takes the cat and places it on the floor in front of the elephant (who is still poised Bolshoi like on one leg). He gets up on tip toe and whispers something in the elephant's ear. As silence descends on the drinkers in the bar, the man steps back and the elephant teeters over and comes crashing down, splattering Tiddles across the floor. "There you go," says the bloke. "That's fucked it." | |
Joke by BIRTHDAYDASTARD, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged cat , elephant , zoo - Current Score: 37 - Added: 10 months ago
| Why have elephants got 4 feet? Cos they'd look fucking stupid with 3 inches! | |
Joke by soggy bear, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged elephant , feet , inches - Current Score: 33 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
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