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| Here are just a few of the amazing advantages from owning a company car: - It accelerates at a phenomenal rate; - It has a much shorter braking distance than your private car; - It takes speed bumps at twice the speed of private cars; - The battery, radiator water, oil and tyres never have to be checked; - It can always be driven to your destination, even with the oil warning light flashing; - It doesn't need cleaning at all, unlike private cars; - The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material including trips to the rubbish tip; - Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio; - It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition; and - It has special food and drink resistant seat material unlike a private car. |    |
Joke by EdgarBriggs, in Jokes with no home > Cars - Tagged company , cars , private , oil , engine - Current Score: 106 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| I have been using the new Shell V-Power petrol that is meant to clean out your engine as you use it. I've found it works on my wallet too... | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Petrol - Tagged wallet , clean , petrol , engine - Current Score: 104 - Added: 4 months, 28 days ago
| The best engine in the world is the fanny. It takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with one finger & every 4 weeks does its own oil change. Its just a pity the management system is so fuckin temperamental. | |
Joke by Queslett50, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged fanny , engine , temperamental , lubricating - Current Score: 64 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Jaguar when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his garage. The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the Jaguar. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and said to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Heart Surgery - Tagged heart , surgery , mechanic , engine - Current Score: 62 - Added: 6 months, 26 days ago
| I took my car, which I had only bought a week before, back to the garage. The mechanic said, "what's the problem, mate?" I said, "it's this transvestite engine." The mechanic laughed and said, "you mean transverse engine?" I said, "no, I mean transvestite engine - it keeps slipping into the wrong gear." | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Transvestite - Tagged car , mechanic , engine , gear , transverse - Current Score: 19 - Added: 3 months ago
| A blonde goes into the local auto parts store and asks for a seven ten cap. All the guys look at each other and say, "What's a seven ten cap?" She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they ask, thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she says it's a Buick. "Okay lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3-1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" they ask. She says, "I don't know, but it has always been there." One of the guys gives her a notepad and asks her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3-1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter look at it upside down as she writes it... and they just fall down behind the counter laughing hysterically. (Draw a circle, write 710 in the middle of it, and turn it around.) | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blonde , engine , car - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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