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| Three guys: a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and a British engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and when they pick it up a Genie pops out. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land in Canada to be forever fertile." POOOOF! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama bin Laden was amazed at this display, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall to be set up around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, British and other infidels forever outside our precious state." POOOOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, a huge wall appeared around those countries. The British engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries... it's virtually impenetrable. Now what is YOUR wish?" The British engineer smiles and says, "fill it with water." |    |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Iraq - Tagged osama bin laden , genie , engineer , farmer , wish - Current Score: 113 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool." | |
Joke by Blackmaninmytree, in Jokes with no home > Engineers Jokes - Tagged engineer , frog , girlfriend , sex , no time - Current Score: 92 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I phoned up BT today to complain that my phone wasn't working correctly. The young Indian girl on the end of the line says, "I'm sorry sir, can you repeat that?" in a difficult to understand voice. So I say, "my phone isn't working correctly." She again says, "could you repeat that again, sir? I can't make out what you said." I'm getting a bit pissed off now, 'cause I can't really understand her, and shout, "my phone isn't working correctly!" I think she says, in a very Indian accent, "I'm sorry, I still can't make out what your saying." I've had enough, so I say, "STICK THE PHONE UP YOUR ARSE!" and I slam the phone down. The next day there's a knock on my door. When I open it, a BT Engineer is standing there . The Engineer says, "are you the man who told the call centre worker to stick the phone up her arse yesterday?" I reply, "yes that's me." The Engineer says, "well, if you don't get on the phone and apologise, we are going to take your phone out." So I pick up and I phone the call centre, get through to the Indian girl and say, "are you the person who I told to stick the phone up your arse yesterday?" She says, "yes, that's me." And I say, "well, they'll be bringing it round in a bit." | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Call Centres - Tagged bt , phone , indian , engineer , call centre , shit service , arse , better out there , kevin bloody wilsons song called stick that fucking phone - Current Score: 29 - Added: 1 month ago
| There's a Civil Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, and a Mechanical Engineer in a bar discussing about God. The Mechanical Engineer says God must have come from my profession. Look at the human body; all those joints and tendons, very little friction, and lasts a lifetime. The Electrical engineer says, no, he must have come from my profession. Look at all those nerves, neurons, and brain circuitry; Only an Electrical Engineer could design that. The Civil Engineer says, you're both wrong. He has to be from my profession. Only a Civil Engineer would put a sewer through an area of special interest! | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Engineers jokes - Tagged civil , engineer , penis , god , sewer - Current Score: 18 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| There's a gorgeous female mathematician in a bar and she sets a problem for the Accountant, Physicist, and Engineer present. Every second they must halve the distance between them self and her. If they can solve the problem and reach her, they can have her. The Accountant is first to try. He soon gives up, complaining he was never much good at proper mathematics. The Physicist, then gets out some paper, writes down some regression forumulae and comes up with the answer there is not point in trying. She can never be reached. The Engineer then slowly starts moving towards the mathematician in regular steps, unzipping his trousers as he does so. Horrified, she asks him if he understood the conclusion of the Physicist. He replies "Oh Yeah, I worked all that out ages ago, but I reckon I can get within practical working distance!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Engineers Jokes - Tagged math , accountant , bar , engineer , physicist , sex , woman - Current Score: 12 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps. After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer. Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?" "Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron." Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?" He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?" "Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder." Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?" "I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?" "Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village." | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Jokes with no home > Engineers Jokes - Tagged engineer , girls , 3 , flood , iron , piston - Current Score: 7 - Added: 3 months ago
| On a really hot summers day, a lorry driver was on his way to Bristol Zoo to deliver four penguins. Suddenly the freezer unit stopped working. The driver pulled over to phone for assistance. Whilst waiting for the engineers to arrive he spotted an ice cream van and flagged it down. "Could you do me a favour, if I gave you £100 would you turn your freezers up to maximum and take these four penguins to Bristol Zoo?" "Yes, no problem" says the ice cream man and off he goes. 3 hours later, the lorry driver is still waiting with his lorry for assistance when he spots the same ice cream van and flags it down. As the van stops the lorry driver notices that the penguins are still in the back, wearing party hats and eating candy floss. "I paid you £100 to take them to Bristol Zoo!" he says angrily. Ice cream man says "Yeah, we've been. They had a really great time, so I'm taking them to Alton Towers now!" | |
Joke by venomsukker, in Jokes with no home > Zoo - Tagged penguin , zoo , lorry driver , ice cream , summer , hot , engineer , bristol , alton towers , candy floss , party hats - Current Score: 6 - Added: 5 days ago
| An Engineer, a Lawyer and an Accountant are sitting around the table in the pub discussing life, philosophy and stuff, and eventualy the conversation turns to married life. "I love having a mistress" the lawyer says."I enjoy the thrill, the excitement, the guilt, and it just makes my marriage that much more bearable." The engineer looks at the lawyer and says "No. The foundation of marriage is vital to support a happy life. I have never cheated on my wife, and I never will. I have built a partnership with my wife and I prefer being married" The accountant says "No. You both have it wrong. I have both a wife and a mistress, and they know about each other. This way, the wife thinks I am with the mistress, and the mistress thinks I am with the wife, and I am free to go into the office and get some work done." | |
Joke by fabus, in Sex and shit > Age - Tagged accountants , engineer , lawyer , marriage - Current Score: 5 - Added: 2 months ago
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