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| An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready." The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France!" The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained; "Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to." |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged paris , plane , france , english , passport , bag , immigration , juno beach , 1944 , dday , cheese eating surrender monkeys , french - Current Score: 2135 - Added: 8 months, 27 days ago
| Barclay's are apparently "Fluent in Finance." Well, that's fantastic. Its just a shame none of the fucking Indians that answer their phones are fluent in English. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged indian call centres , indians , pakis , wogs , call centre , bank , barclays , english , fluent , paki , phone , customer service - Current Score: 1011 - Added: 5 months ago
| There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French cunt again.' | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged train , english , french , slap , kiss , claudia schiffer - Current Score: 558 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are discussing family. Englishman says, "My son was born on St.George's Day so I called him George!" "What a coincidence!" says the Scotsman, "My son was born on St.Andrews Day so I called him Andrew!" "Jaysus!" says the Irishman, "That's fucking amazing!, wait 'til I go home and tell our Pancake!!! | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > family - Tagged english , irish , scots - Current Score: 254 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Being a dyslexic at school, my English teacher always used to insult my grammar. I said, "you never even met her." | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Illness and mortality > Dyslexia - Tagged dyslexic , gramma , granma , english , insult , dyslexia - Current Score: 221 - Added: 5 months ago
| 'American English' seems to be a term used more and more often these days. But why not just write 'illiterate'? | |
Joke by ididyourmom, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged americans , english , illiterate , english is our language - Current Score: 191 - Added: 2 months, 24 days ago
| A classic, no doubt you've seen it before, but here goes: In Heaven, there is the ideal citizen of the world: He has the MANNERS of an Englishman, and the SEX APPEAL of the Spaniard. He has the HUMOUR of the the Irishman, and the BRAIN of the German. He has the STYLE of the Italian, and the COURAGE of the Scotsman. He has the MUSCLES of the Russian, and the WEALTH of the American He has the SPIRITUALITY of the Indian, and the HYGENIE of the Finn. However, in hell, the reverse is true.. he is the WORST citizen.. he has.. ready... He has the MANNERS of an Frenchman, and the SEX APPEAL of the Frenchman He has the HUMOUR of the the Frenchman, and the BRAIN of the Frenchman He has the STYLE of the Frenchman, and the COURAGE of the Frenchman He has the MUSCLES of the Frenchman, and the WEALTH of the Frenchman He has the SPIRITUALITY of the Frenchman, and the HYGENIE of the Frenchman | |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , heaven , italian , english , irish , perfect , man - Current Score: 178 - Added: 7 months ago
| AMERICA!: The smartest, biggest, most powerful country in the world That failed to translate English into English without mistakes. | |
Joke by rfay, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged english , america , cuntry , smartass - Current Score: 174 - Added: 3 months, 24 days ago
| Have you ever noticed that, whenever you sail to France on the ferry, the safety announcement is always much longer in French than it is in English? Is it just me who wonders what they aren't telling us? | |
Joke by anthony4, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged ferry , english , french - Current Score: 128 - Added: 4 months ago
| Angus, a Scottish farmer, was walking through his field and saw a man drinking from the stream. He shouts over, in Gaelic, "Hey, don't drink the water, friend, the sheep have got the runs!" The man turns round and says, "What did you say? I'm English, I don't speak your stupid language!" "Ach well!" shouts back the farmer. "I said 'Use both hands, you'll be able to drink more of my wonderfully fresh stream!.....Gle mhath, a shassanach." | |
Joke by FengShuiNinja, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged english , scottish , sheep , water , language , racism , fsn - Current Score: 124 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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