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| A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!" |    |
Joke by schlong69, in Jokes with no home > Fart - Tagged fart , dog - Current Score: 148 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| An old married couple are attending church one Sunday morning when half way through the vicars sermon the wife says to the husband "I've just let out a long, sweaty, silent fart, what should I do?" The husband replies "You should replace the battery in your fucking hearing aid!" | |
Joke by make_a_brew, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged deaf , fart , old - Current Score: 125 - Added: 11 months ago
| At Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin's wedding last week, I'm told all guests were searched for mobile phones and cameras. Nothing to do with them selling the pictures to the magazines, just what Scousers do. | |
Joke by jay-cee, in Celebrity and news events > Wayne Rooney - Tagged rooney , mcloughlin , wedding , scousers , fart - Current Score: 110 - Added: 2 months ago
| A woman walks into a high class jewellers. As she's busy admiring some wonderful diamond rings, she lets out a bit of a sloppy fart. Blushing, she hopes that nobody heard her. A moment later, she approaches a sales assistant and asks, "Excuse me sir, but how much is that gorgeous diamond ring?" "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price..." | |
Joke by swedishpimp, in Jokes with no home > Fart - Tagged jewellers , fart , shit , diamond , jewellery - Current Score: 96 - Added: 4 months ago
| This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and he smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Sunday morning as she was preparing the chicken for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of chicken guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty well... About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey you were right! All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you". "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened". "But by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in". | |
Joke by Sparrow91, in Jokes with no home > Fart - Tagged old people , fart , shit , chicken guts , husband , wife - Current Score: 70 - Added: 10 months ago
| Three 'Rules' of Aging Men: 1. Don't pass a bathroom. 2. Don't waste a hard-on. 3. Never, ever trust a fart... | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged rules , old , fart , hard on - Current Score: 68 - Added: 7 months ago
| Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure. | |
Joke by stopher, in Jokes with no home > Men - Tagged men , women , fart - Current Score: 54 - Added: 8 months ago
| Jake, an older fellow, joins a nudist colony. At the reception, he paid the reception clerk $500 joining fee. The clerk tells jake 'strip off, put your clothes in your locker, and go through that door and have a look round'. Jake strips and walks through the door, and as he approaches a very beautiful woman, he gets an instant erection. 'Did you call me'? The woman said. 'No' Jake replied. She looks at his erection and said 'Around here when a man gets an erection near a woman we say he called her'. With that she grabs his cock and drags him to the nearest bed and fucks his brains out. When Jake recovers a little he enters the showers and as he is washing his cock and balls he lets out a very loud fart. A huge man enters the shower with an enormous erection, 'Did you call me'? He said. 'NO,NO,NO'! said Jake. 'Well around here' the huge man said 'When a man farts near another man we say he has called him'. With that the huge man bends Jake over the towel rail and fucks his ass hard and rough. Jake storms off to reception and yells at the reception clerk 'YOU CAN KEEP THE $500,I AM OFF,NEVER TO RETURN'! 'But Jake' answered the reception clerk 'You only just got here, you haven't experienced the colony yet'. 'I have experienced enough' Jake replied. 'I am 66 years old, I get an erection only once a month, but I fart at least 40 times a day'. | |
Joke by aliaSligo, in Sex and shit > Naked Body - Tagged ass , fart , fuck - Current Score: 47 - Added: 4 months ago
| A prostitute goes to the doctor complaining of morning sickness. The doctor says, "congratulations! Do you know who the father is?" The prossy replies, "if you ate a tin of beans, would you know which one made you fart?" | |
Joke by billysollocks, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitute , doctor , sickness , beans , fart - Current Score: 45 - Added: 4 months, 28 days ago
| A lady walks into a high class jewellery shop. She browses around and spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little "accident", she asks "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?" Copy Cat He answers," Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price." | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Jokes with no home > Fart - Tagged lady , jewellery , diamond , fart , salesman , madam , accident , shit - Current Score: 37 - Added: 9 months ago
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