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| Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems okay when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women. |    |
Joke by graham, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged sex , shit , farting , argument - Current Score: 56 - Added: 5 months ago
| An elderly lady goes into the doctor......... "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop dropping my guts *all the time*. In fact, since I've been standing here I must have parped least 20 times." "Yeah? No kidding...?" says the doctor with a a tear in his eye.......................The doc says "I've got just the stuff." and gives her some pills. "Here take these for 10 days, then return for a follow up appointment." So she takes the pills and returns 10 days later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still quacking just as much! They still don't make any noise, but now they smell fucking awful!" The doctor nodded, "Great, now that we've your sinuses cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!" | |
Joke by Smegs, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged farting - Current Score: 39 - Added: 8 months ago
| I felt like a Nazi today. I farted in a room full of Jews. | |
Joke by beholden, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged jews , gassed , silent but deadly , fart , farting - Current Score: 17 - Added: 3 months ago
| Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, ''He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems.'' So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans. A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaming delightedly, ''Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'' He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back. Then he went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk coming from a pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary! | |
Joke by thornado, in Jokes with no home > Farting - Tagged farting , beans , anniversary , woman - Current Score: 3 - Added: 2 days ago
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