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| I was walking down the street with my girlfriend the other day, when I saw 5 youths beating up a Pakistani. My girlfriend turned to me and said- "Aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No, 5 should be enough." |    |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Pakis - Tagged pakis , paki , pakistani , pakistan , beating up , fight - Current Score: 351 - Added: 2 months ago
| A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the Scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and client'le stood silent and motionless. Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened: Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?" Scouser: "Dunno, but it was something about a 'job'." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scouser , homosexual , fight , gay , bar , wanker , liverpool - Current Score: 339 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I got into an argument with this thug in the pub. Anyway, I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, "I know where you live." I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn't true. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Jokes with no home > POST OFFICE - Tagged royal mail , house , threat , parcelforce , fight , pub , thug , viz , viz letters - Current Score: 159 - Added: 1 month ago
| Never get into a fight with an ugly bastard, because they've got nothing to lose. | |
Joke by fox in the box, in Sex and shit > Ugly - Tagged fight , ugly , nothing - Current Score: 124 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot & dropped a bird but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor & asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck & it fell in this field & now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property & you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand & if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you & take everything you own." The old farmer smiled & said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times & then you kick me three times & so on back & forth until one gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest & decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor & walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin & dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will & remaining strength & very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart, now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled & said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck." | |
Joke by aliaSligo, in Jokes with no home > ? - Tagged lawyer , shooting , gun , duck , fuck , new zealand , old people , beating em up , fight - Current Score: 112 - Added: 3 months, 25 days ago
| I was chatting to a mate in the pub- who loves jokes- and I was telling him a little story. So I began my tale: "I went to see a Gypsy fortune teller the other day, who put me in touch with me dead grandfather. After we had finished and I had paid her, she smiled at me and in a jolly voice said she had really enjoy the session- So I smacked her in the face!" My smartarse mate chipped in, "Ha ha- Thats becase you LIKE TO STRIKE A HAPPY MEDIUM isn't it!" I replied, "No, its because I can't fucking stand gypsies." | |
Joke by twayne, in Religion and racism > Gypsy - Tagged gypsy , pun , peter cook , dudley moore , punch , hit , strike , fight - Current Score: 103 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, "Didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fucking fight." {Jim Davidson} | |
Joke by guest1, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , fight , tit - Current Score: 41 - Added: 3 months, 26 days ago
| This isn't sick but it's a good stupid story to tell your mates down the pub: So I was in the pub drinking away and this guy barges straight past me knocking my damn drink all over me! So I said to him, "HEY! You! You're gonna fight me for that." He says back, "woaaa mate relax, I'm a lover not a fighter." So I snogged him... Turns out he was a fighter... | |
Joke by rapist101, in Jokes with no home > ? - Tagged fight , stupid , kiss , gay - Current Score: 36 - Added: 1 month, 28 days ago
| I went to a cock fight the other day. It was great fun but my balls are killing me! | |
Joke by superhorse, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged cock , fight , balls , gay - Current Score: 35 - Added: 6 months ago
| One day a boxer and his stunning girlfriend walk into a bar. The boxer heads off to the toilet, handing a £20 note to his missus and asks her to get him a pint, and whatever she wants Whilst she's at the bar, a scrawny little man approaches her, and the conversation goes something along the lines of: Scrawny little man: You're absolutely stunning, I'd really like to take you out for dinner Stunning girlfriend: Sorry, I'm already taken Scrawny little man: Hang on a sec, I've not finished - after dinner, I'd like to take you home, cover you in chocloate sauce and lick it off. Stunning girlfriend: Seriously, I've got a boyfriend, and I'm not interested Scrawny little man: Wait wait, I've not finished - then I want to fill your pussy up with beer and drink it with a straw. At this point the boxer returns from the toilet... Stunning girlfriend: This scrawny little twat wants to take me out for dinner Boxer: Sorry mate, she's spoken for (looking a little annoyed, that his missus is being cracked onto) Stunning girlfriend: Wait, then he wants cover me in chocolate sauce and lick it off Boxer: Right, that does it, you're in for a pasting (as he rolls up his sleaves and the little vein in his temple starts to pulse) Stunning girlfriend: Wait, I'm not finished yet, then he wants to fill my pussy with beer and drink it with a straw. At this point the boxer unrolls his sleeves and turns to walk away Stunning girlfriend: What are you doing, I thought you were going to kill this pathetic little runt Boxer: Look love, anyone who can drink that much beer I'm not messing with | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Drinking Jokes - Tagged beer , pussy , fight - Current Score: 33 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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