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| A few years ago now, I got kicked out of primary school. The headmaster caught me behind the bike shed, fingering one of the girls from my class. When I was leaving, he said it was a pity, because he reckoned I was the best Maths teacher the school had ever seen. |    |
Joke by bleary, in Sex and shit > Teacher Teacher - Tagged teacher , finger , bike shed , paedophilia - Current Score: 905 - Added: 4 months, 23 days ago
| Half of relationships end because of bad sex. Mine however ended because of good sex... With another Woman. | |
Joke by AS, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , good , bad , relationships , finger , woman - Current Score: 192 - Added: 5 months ago
| I broke my G-string yesterday while fingering a minor. To be fair, I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door. Never mind, I'll just have to buy new strings. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Sex and shit > Child Abuse - Tagged finger , gstring , guitar , minor , heavens door - Current Score: 136 - Added: 3 months ago
| An Essex guy and an Essex girl are making out in his car when the girl says, "Put your finger inside of me!" He is only too willing to oblige. "Put another finger inside of me!" So he does. "Put your whole hand inside of me!" she says, moaning in pleasure. "Now put both hands inside of me!" she screams. "Now clap!" she gasps. "I can't clap!" replied the guy. "Tight, aren't I?" she smiles. | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Religion and racism > Essex - Tagged essex , making out , car , finger , hand , clap , tight - Current Score: 102 - Added: 1 year ago
| I can see that American scientists have been able to make a human finger grow. All they need to do now is grow one leg and a complete cunt and they will have a clone of Heather Mills. | |
Joke by RevvyB, in Celebrity and news events > Heather Mills - Tagged heather mills , finger - Current Score: 90 - Added: 6 months ago
| A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger right into the dead man's anus, withdraws it and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit. "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation. Note, I sunk the middle finger but I licked my index." | |
Joke by JMe, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged anus , finger , students , dead - Current Score: 72 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| One night, Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teacher's tent and asks, "Miss, can I please sleep with you tonight?" His teacher replies, "NO." Johnny moans and says, "but my mummy lets me." "Okay then, just for tonight," the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks, "Miss, can I please play with your belly button with my finger?" She again says, "NO." "But my mummy lets me," says Johnny again. "Well, I suppose it's okay," replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming, "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON!" Little Johnny replies, "it ain't my finger either." | |
Joke by Garf 911, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged little johnny , finger , penis , belly button , teacher , mum - Current Score: 47 - Added: 5 months ago
| For the funeral Mrs Beadle doesn't know what to arrange. She would like a lavish do, but on the other hand thinks a small finger buffet is more appropiate! | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Celebrity and news events > Jeremy Beadle - Tagged jeremy beadle , finger buffet , finger , hand - Current Score: 45 - Added: 9 months, 22 days ago
| Uncle Chester is at his niece's birthday party. When they are alone he says, "my present is a surprise. You have to close your eyes and I'll put my finger in your belly button." The girl closes her eyes and then says, "hey, that's not my belly button!" "Surprise! That's not my finger either!" | |
Joke by hardoff, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedophile , birthday , bellybutton , finger - Current Score: 42 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A motorcycle cop comes across two bikers. One biker has two fingers up the ass of the other. " What the hell are you doing?" asks the cop " My buddy here's got some food stuck and is choking," says the one biker, "I'm trying to make him sick." "You're meant to stick your fingers down his throat, not up his ass," replies the cop. The first biker says, "Yeah, I know, but you get better results if you stick them up his ass first..." | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Hells Angels - Tagged biker , sick , throw up , butt , ass , finger , fingers , throat - Current Score: 37 - Added: 5 months ago
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