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| Apparently, my grandad has been like a 'fish out of water' since moving into the old peoples home. In other words, he's dead. |    |
Joke by BushTurkey, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged grandad , fish , dead - Current Score: 264 - Added: 4 months ago
| I was walking along the beach when I saw a small boy lying on the sand who had been stung by a jelly fish. I remembered that if you're stung by one you should to piss on it, so I whipped my dick out and started pissing on him. His parents weren't too pleased though, apparently it doesn't work when they're dead. | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Jokes with no home > Jimmy Carr - Tagged jelly , fish , boy , piss , jimmy carr - Current Score: 157 - Added: 4 months ago
| A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal." "No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged road , trip , car , penguin , flipper , frozen , mechanic , fish - Current Score: 105 - Added: 1 year ago
| Two goldfish are in a tank One turns to the other and says: You drive, I'll man the guns | |
Joke by Hatters_LTFC, in Jokes with no home > Fish - Tagged goldfish , tank , fish , gun , drive - Current Score: 90 - Added: 3 months ago
| A small boy goes into the kitchen one day and run up to his mum. "Mummy, mummy, Grandma's got a prawn between her legs!" "Pardon, darling?" "Grandma's got a prawn between her legs!" "Okay, show me" They both walk into the living room, where they find Grandma fast asleep and looking very pleased. Her knickers are missing and her skirt has ridden up so that nothing is left to the imagination. "See Mummy? A prawn," says the little boy, pointing between his gran's splayed legs. "No, darling that's something special women have." "But Mummy," says the little boy, looking confused. "It tasted like a prawn." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged kid , oral , fish , grandma - Current Score: 88 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Give an African man a fish and he'll feed his family for one day Give him the tools to catch fish and he will catch thousands ,sell them down the local market ,make enough money to buy an AK 47 assualt rifle,declare himself dictator,hire a few mercenaries ,invade the neighbouring village killing every last man,woman and child "Now That's Incentive" | |
Joke by GIZZARD, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged fish , feed - Current Score: 85 - Added: 4 months ago
| A man went fishing and hadn't caught a thing in four hours, when all of a sudden the local vicar turned up and cast his rod into the stream and within half an hour his keep net was full! The man is getting quite pissed off at this so decides to ask the vicar how he does it. The vicar kindly tells him "Well my son, go home tonight and rub your hand between your wifes legs, and then rub it in with all your worms and the smell will attract the fish!". The man thinks this is a good idea so he goes home and sees the wife standing by the stove cooking dinner, he goes up to her, sticks his hand up her skirt and starts rubbing away. The wife giggles and says "Oh hello vicar, off fishing again?" | |
Joke by welshmadman, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , husband , vicar , fishing , fish , smell , pussy - Current Score: 85 - Added: 8 months ago
| What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Walrus? One's got whiskers and stinks of fish... and the other one's a walrus. | |
Joke by topbanana, in Religion and racism > Essex - Tagged essex girl , walrus , whiskers , stinks , fish - Current Score: 55 - Added: 8 months ago
| Murphy: "You've a nice couple of goldfish there Paddy. What are their names?" Paddy: "I've called them, One and Two". Murphy: "Why is that then Paddy?" Paddy: "'Coz if One dies, I've still got Two". | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged fish , paddy , murphy - Current Score: 54 - Added: 6 months ago
| Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!" | |
Joke by Retard, in Jokes with no home > Stupid - Tagged fish - Current Score: 50 - Added: 7 months ago
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