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| Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played Sunday football together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there." Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you. Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him," "Mike--Mike." "Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Mike--it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice." "Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Mike. "The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired." "That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news? "You're playing Tuesday." |    |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Football - Tagged football , heaven , death , ghost , flash - Current Score: 95 - Added: 8 months ago
| A woman was in the bath when the doorbell rang, so she got out, put on a bathrobe and went to answer the door. At the door was her husband's golf partner, Jim. "I'm afraid my husband's not in" she said. "Oh well!", said Jim, "Say, you look very nice in that robe. How about giving me a quick flash?" "No!", cried the woman, "What would my husband say?" "Oh go on!", pleaded Jim, "Just a quick flash and I'll give you 50, no, 100 quid" The woman is tempted, but still refuses. "Ok, Ok, my final offer. Flash me for 10 seconds and I'll give you 200 quid" The woman thinks about it, nods, opens her robe for 10 seconds and closes it quickly. Jim smiles and hands over £200 in cash, before walking off whistling. Later that evening, the husband asks "Did Jim call round for me earlier?" "Erm, yes.", replied the wife nervously. "Oh good - did he give you that £200 he owes me?" | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged wife , flash - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
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