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| Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome on board this Ryanair flight. In the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, masks will drop down from above you. Please insert 5 Euros for oxygen. |    |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Jokes with no home > Ryanair - Tagged budget airlines , flying - Current Score: 165 - Added: 1 month ago
| A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road, and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!", Ashley said. "Very good," the teacher replied. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are Farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'." "That was a fine story, Sarah," said the teacher. "Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Shirley. Aunt Shirley was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good Heavens", said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the fuck away from Aunt Shirley when she's been drinking." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Celebrity and news events > Moral - Tagged stories , war , egg , teacher , flying , assignment , father , kids , family , drinking , plane , gun - Current Score: 92 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A man is sitting on a plane waiting to get served for drinks but he notices that the refreshments cart seems to have stopped well in front of him. He looks to the front of the plane where all of the air hostesses seem to be running around after one of the passengers who is bossing them around. When he looks closer, he notices that the passenger is a very rude parrot. "Get me a whiskey now bitch!" screamed the parrot, and she hurried off rather nervously to get it. "Get me some peanuts you whore!" he screamed to another girl, and again in fear of the horrible parrot she rushed off to get some. The man thought to himself that if he tried the same approach as the parrot then he might get served. The next time an air hostess walked past the man shouted, "Hey slag! Get me a beer!" The air hostess instantly burst into tears and ran to the front of the plane and into the cockpit. A few minutes later the co-pilot and several air hostesses walked back out of the cockpit, grabbed the man and the parrot and threw them out of the plane. As they began falling towards earth the parrot turned to the nervous looking man and said, "well, you're a cheeky fucker for someone who can't fly!" | |
Joke by superhorse, in Jokes with no home > parrot - Tagged parrot , plane , man , rude , pilot , flying - Current Score: 67 - Added: 11 months ago
| Two Irish pilots flying An Air Fungus jet on final approach at Cork Airport, First pilot said: "Bejesus! Look how short this runway is." Second pilot said: "Yes, but look how fucking wide it is!" | |
Joke by PALROSS, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , pilot , flying , plane , runway - Current Score: 64 - Added: 1 year ago
| Paddy phones Easyjet to book a flight.... "certainly sir" replies the assistant... "and how many will be flying with you Mr O'Toole" Paddy replies " how the fuck should I know its your plane?" | |
Joke by beez, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged plane , flying , paddy , flight - Current Score: 47 - Added: 2 months ago
| What's funnier than a flying baby? Catching it on a pitchfork. | |
Joke by Brian20989, in Jokes with no home > Baby - Tagged baby , pitchfork , flying - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| NASA released a press statement this morning. Apparently they thought the heat had died down in the last seven years, so they want to give the "Let's see if females make good pilots?" experiment another go. | |
Joke by Fabus, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged women , flying , 911 , american , nasa - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 months ago
| A crowded United Air Lines flight was cancelled. A single agent was assigned to rebook a long line of unhappy, inconvenienced travellers. She was doing her best when suddenly an angry customer pushed his way to her desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and shouted, "I don't want to stand in line. I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS and it has to be RIGHT NOW!" The young agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir, I'll try to help you but I've got to help these folks first. I'm sure we'll be able to work things out for you." The angry passenger was unimpressed and unrelenting. He stated loudly, so that all the passengers could hear, "I don't want to stand in line! Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitation, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have you attention, please?" her voice bellowed through the terminal. We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him identify himself, please come to the gate." With the crowd laughing hysterically, he glared at her and swore "Fuck you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that too!" | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged flying - Current Score: 14 - Added: 9 months, 22 days ago
| - Mam you're a liar! - What do you mean? - You said my little brother's an angel. - Yes. Well he is. - I just pushed him out the window, and he didn't fly... | |
Joke by dirt_on_my_shirt, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged kids , angel , baby , flying - Current Score: 2 - Added: 1 week ago
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