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| An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready." The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France!" The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained; "Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to." |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged paris , plane , france , english , passport , bag , immigration , juno beach , 1944 , dday , cheese eating surrender monkeys , french - Current Score: 2138 - Added: 8 months, 27 days ago
| The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > terror alert - Tagged british , level , french , military , italy , spain , bulgaria , americans - Current Score: 780 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What's the difference between toast and a Frenchman? You can make soldiers out of toast. | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged toast , french , soldiers , frenchman , cheese eating surrender monkeys , france - Current Score: 588 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French cunt again.' | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged train , english , french , slap , kiss , claudia schiffer - Current Score: 560 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Which is the odd one out - a black Pope, a brave Frenchman or God ? God - you'll definitely see him one day | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > Nigger - Tagged pope , black , french , god - Current Score: 336 - Added: 5 months, 26 days ago
| Going to war without the French is like... World War II | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , world war ii - Current Score: 312 - Added: 4 months ago
| You really do have to hand it to the French... After all, they won't fight for it. | |
Joke by AS, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , fight , war - Current Score: 305 - Added: 6 months ago
| How many French troops does it take to defend Paris? We don't know, it hasn't been tried yet. | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , troops , paris - Current Score: 265 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| What did France used to be called ? Germany, until the Brits saved them. | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged france , french , germany - Current Score: 248 - Added: 4 months ago
| I've got a tip for you: if you install the French versions of your favourite programmes, they run a lot faster. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french - Current Score: 242 - Added: 5 months, 23 days ago
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