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| Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr.Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could. |    |
Joke by Ciabi, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged bear , rabbit , wish , gay , wishes , frog , gold , female , sex , bears , motor , bike , motorbike , motorcycle , cycle - Current Score: 381 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions). The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged frog , sex , pet shop , lazy , lesson , shower , teaching - Current Score: 154 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Little Johnny went to see his grandad and asked, "Grandad, could you please do a frog impression?" Grandad says, "you what?" Little Johnny says, "can you make the sound of a frog?" Grandad says, "of course I can, but why?" Little Johnny says, "good, because mummy said that, when you croak, we can all fuck off to Disneyland!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Little Johnny - Tagged little johnny , grandad , mummy , frog , croak , disneyland - Current Score: 143 - Added: 2 months, 30 days ago
| What did Kermit The Frog say when Jim Henson died? Fuck All! | |
Joke by mike_dale14, in Celebrity and news events > Kermit The Frog - Tagged death , jim henson , kermit , kermit the frog , the muppets , frog , died - Current Score: 126 - Added: 4 months ago
| An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool." | |
Joke by Blackmaninmytree, in Jokes with no home > Engineers Jokes - Tagged engineer , frog , girlfriend , sex , no time - Current Score: 92 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch. The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope." The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem." The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?" The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO." The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!" But it was still too long at 20 inches, so he decided to ask the frog to marry him again. "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted. The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!" The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?" The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!!" | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged penis , frog , witch , doctor - Current Score: 83 - Added: 1 year ago
| I'm not a racist, the French don't count... | |
Joke by DickWank, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged racist , france , frog , cheese eating surrender monkeys - Current Score: 54 - Added: 4 months, 28 days ago
| So this ten year old boy walks into a brothel, and he's carrying this dead frog on a stick. He goes to the madam and says, "I want to get a hooker." She looks at him and says that he's too young. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "I said I want to get a hooker." "Fine kid." "...And I want her to have the clap." The madam looks at the kid and says no. A hooker, sure, but a hooker with the clap, no. The kid pulls out another hundred dollar bill. "I said I want a whore with the clap." "Fine." "...And herpes." The madam balks. No, she says. Thats too much. So he pulls aout another hundred dollars. "I said I want a hooker with herpes." "Alright fine. Whatever." "...And AIDS." The madam stares at the kid with wide-eyed horror. "No. I'm not going to give you AIDs." He pulls out a hundred dollars. "No. This is just wrong. How would I live with myself?" He throws out another hundred. The madam looks at the kid and decides that he's not going to back down. If she doesn't give him what he wants, someone else probably would. ANd anyway, It is the kids life, after all. "Fine," she says. "Up the stairs, third door on the left." The kid walks up the stairs. The stick with the dead frog bouncing as he goes up the steps. He walks into the room and shuts the door. Ten minutes later he steps out the room, walks down the steps, and is about to walk out the door when the madam stops him. "Tell me," she says, "Why did you want to throw your life away like that. I mean, your ten years old and you have the clap. And worse, you have herpes. And even worse, you have AIDs. Why would you do that? The boy turns to her and says, "When I get home, I'm going to jerk off on my babysitters tampon. Sometime later, after I'm in bed, my dad is going to gently caress her. Sometime, in the next month, my dad is going to gently caress my mom. And the next morning, my mom is going to gently caress the mailman." "And the mailman," the boy said," He's the one that ran over my frog." | |
Joke by SirRofalot, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged frog , hooker , prostitute , aids - Current Score: 44 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A frog is sitting on the banks of the River Jordan when a scorpion approaches him Scorpion: "Hello, would you please do me a favouor and carry me accross the river on your back?" Frog: "Are you mad? Your going to sting me." Scorpion: "Now why would I do that, that would cuase me to drown." satisfied by this, the frog allows the scorpion to jump on his back and starts to swim. About half way accross the River the scorpion stings the frog Frog: "What the hell did you do that for, now I will die and you will drown" Scorpion: "Welcome to the Middle East, Bitch!" | |
Joke by ht, in Celebrity and news events > middle east - Tagged middle east , suicide , frog , scorpion - Current Score: 34 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Nigger walks into the doctors with a frog on his head... The doctor asks:- "And what's the problem here?" To which the frog replies: "It started a couple of weeks ago with a blackhead on my arse!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged frog , blackhead , arse , nigger , doctor - Current Score: 27 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
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