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| I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, "you're next." They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals. | ![]() |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged aunt , wedding , funeral , death - Current Score: 516 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Sickipedia - Tagged silence , jokes , maggot , vicar , unfunniest , funeral - Current Score: 201 - Added: 3 months ago
| How come "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing, except if you say them at a funeral? -Demetri Martin | ![]() |
Joke by mrluxuryyacht, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged funeral , sorry , apology - Current Score: 195 - Added: 3 months, 18 days ago
| Top Tip: Mourners: Read the dress-code of funeral invitations very carefully. Sombre, while being only two letters away from Sombrero, is a world apart in tone. | ![]() |
Joke by Sticky, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged sombre , sombrero , viz , funeral - Current Score: 171 - Added: 5 days ago
| My gran died last week. The funeral director said, "bury her with something she liked." As the coffin lowered into the ground, all we could hear was grandad shouting for help. | ![]() |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged funeral , gran , grandad - Current Score: 143 - Added: 6 months, 20 days ago
| I like to tell dirty jokes at work to help make the time go by. One time we laughed so much we nearly dropped the coffin! | ![]() |
Joke by Aspen, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged funeral , coffin , jokes , dirty jokes - Current Score: 141 - Added: 1 month, 17 days ago
| My mate said to me today, "What would you like people to say at your funeral?" I said, "Preferably: 'Look at that! He's fucking coming back to life!'" | ![]() |
Joke by Aspen, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged funeral , death - Current Score: 120 - Added: 1 week ago
| I went to a funeral last week, but I'm never going there again. The music started playing, and me and my mate were the only ones dancing. | ![]() |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged dancing , funeral , mate - Current Score: 117 - Added: 2 months, 15 days ago
Joke by GIZZARD, in Celebrity and news events > drogba - Tagged drogba , chelsea , lampard , funeral - Current Score: 114 - Added: 5 months, 18 days ago
Joke by sick puppy, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged funeral , suit , switch - Current Score: 109 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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