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| What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A park bench can support a family. |    |
Joke by check_the_exit, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , bench , funny , racist , racism , family - Current Score: 322 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| I like to steal other people's jokes due to my illness: "Being a Tosser" | |
Joke by Sputnik, in Celebrity and news events > Chuck Norris - Tagged chuck norris , google , spastic , sex , funny , nigger , racism , racist , sexist - Current Score: 184 - Added: 7 months ago
| Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last nigger that had a dream got shot! | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , funny , racist , crude , freedom fighter , martin luther king - Current Score: 155 - Added: 11 months ago
| Politics explained for dumb people ----------------------------------- Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour. Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk. Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk. Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you. Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.. Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. A American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead. A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide. A German Corporation: You have 2 cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A British Corporation: You have 2 cows. Both are mad. An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A Russian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your ass. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....... Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!' Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows... Hong Kong Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad. An Arkansas Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. An Indian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You worship them. An Australian Corporation: You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate. | |
Joke by chris732, in Jokes with no home > Politics - Tagged cows , politics , funny - Current Score: 143 - Added: 7 months ago
| How is it you can throw a burnt match out of a car window and start a forest fire, but you can use two boxes of matches, a box of fire lighters, 500ml of lighter fuel and a Sunday paper but still can't light the fucking BBQ? | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > FIRE - Tagged add , the , word , to , make , your , joke , funny , quotfuckingquot - Current Score: 128 - Added: 4 months ago
| What's the quickest way to kill a Muslim? Shoot his rucksack. | |
Joke by Wayer, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , lol , funny , racist - Current Score: 73 - Added: 6 months ago
| The following headlines were actually printed in newspapers. The irony in some of these are absolutely astonishing, hilariously funny (though sometimes awkward). Check them out: - Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One - Miners Refuse to Work after Death - Include Your Children when Baking Cookies - Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says - Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted - Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case - Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents - Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - Prostitutes Appeal to Pope - Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over - British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands - Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms - Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe - Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told - Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - War Dims Hope for Peace - Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures - Deer Kill 17,000 - Stolen Painting Found by Tree - Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy - Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire - Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood - Local High School Drop-outs Cut in Half - New Vaccine May Contain Rabies - Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors - Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter - Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges - Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge - New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Eye Drops Off Shelf - Teachers Strike Idle Kids - Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead - Princess Diana Was Alive Hours Before She Died | |
Joke by Eoghain, in Celebrity and news events > News reports - Tagged news paper , news reports , funny , headline , irony , ironic - Current Score: 71 - Added: 11 months ago
| Billy Connely What Pisses me off......... ONE People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? TWO People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. THREE When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuckin right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? FOUR When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? FIVE When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid 10 bucks to come to the movies and stare at the fuckin floor. SIX People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? SEVEN When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. EIGHT When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fuckin does!! What can you do that's longer? NINE When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead? TEN People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, ELEVEN When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate. TWELVE People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. THIRTEEN McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks..........Well, I'll get a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fuckin McTosser. FOURTEEN When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off FIFTEEN When people say 'can I borrow a piece of paper i'll pay you back' It's one god damn piece of paper you fucking retards i don't want it back | |
Joke by knuffles, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged billy connolly , mcdonalds , paper , funny , fuck , toliet , image , revolting , eat , knob , new , improved , tosser , swearing , arse - Current Score: 70 - Added: 9 months ago
| Disability jokes are not funny. I've got a friend in a wheelchair who just can't stand it. | |
Joke by Nayim, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged disability , friend , wheelchair , stand , funny , jokes - Current Score: 64 - Added: 3 months, 25 days ago
| Broken arms: Painful, but humerus | |
Joke by ffc2004, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged painful , broken arm , humorous , humerus (bone) , funny , one liner - Current Score: 59 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
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