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| Why are there no casinos in China? Because the Chinese hate Tibet. |    |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Chinese - Tagged china , tibet , war , gambling - Current Score: 271 - Added: 6 months, 27 days ago
| My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I'd do anything to win her back. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Gambling - Tagged win , wife , gambling - Current Score: 212 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Apparently three in ten South African women carry the HIV virus. This aroused my gambling addiction and I really couldn't help myself, so I raped seven South African women. Now I sit and wait... | |
Joke by redman, in Religion and racism > South African - Tagged south african , aids , hiv , gambling , addict , addiction , rape - Current Score: 85 - Added: 2 months ago
| Little Johnny is in class, and the teacher is asking the children what their parents do for a living. She asks a non-too-bright pupil what his father does, and he answers "he's a sheet metal worker." The teacher says "OK, can you spell that for me?" "S-H-E-T..." "No, that's not quite right, try again." "S-H-I..." "No, sorry, that's not it either. Go round the back of the blackboard and write it out with this chalk until it looks right." The kid takes the chalk and dutifully walks around the blackboard and starts writing. The teacher says, "Right, Johnny, what does your father do for a living?" Johnny says, "he's a bookie." "You mean a bookmaker. Can you spell that for me?" "No, but I'll give you two to one he writes shit on that blackboard" | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged little johnny , class , teacher , blackboard , betting , gambling - Current Score: 49 - Added: 6 months, 23 days ago
| Fucking Muslim hypocrites. They always go on about how gambling is strictly prohibited, but they all go to Mecca at least once. | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged muslim , pakis , gambling , cunts - Current Score: 39 - Added: 7 months ago
| Ive just seen the advert on the TV: If I drive at 30 mph and hit a child in my car there's an 80% chance they will live but, if I drive at 40 mph, there's an 80% chance that they will die. I don't know what you think but isn't the goverment promotioning irresponsible gambling? | |
Joke by graham, in Jokes with no home > Cars - Tagged cars , gambling , accident , ricky gervais - Current Score: 25 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking tramp who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two quid and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the tramp said. "Will you use it to gamble?" "I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?" "Are you MAD? I haven't played golf in 20 years!" The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two quid. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The tramp was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." The man replied, "Hey, man, that's OK! I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf!" | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Tramps - Tagged golf , whiskey , gambling , wife - Current Score: 24 - Added: 1 year ago
| My gambling addictions really gotten out of hand recently, I'm taking all most ridiculous risks. I mean just the other day I tried mailing myself £1000 through the Royal Mail. | |
Joke by redman, in Jokes with no home > Gambling - Tagged gambling , royal mail , addict - Current Score: 23 - Added: 2 months ago
| I went to Alcoholics Anonymous the other day and stood up and said, "I have a gambling problem." Another guy stood up and said, "I think you want Gamblers Anonymous." So I said, "you're probably right, I'm so drunk I don't know where I am." | |
Joke by redman, in Jokes with no home > Gambling - Tagged alchoholic , gambling , tim vine - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago
| The Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor. The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.' 'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Paddy. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and says, 'Okay. You're on!' Paddy says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'No way! It's a bet.' Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Paddy says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my other eye.' The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his false teeth and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Would you like to go double or nothing?' Paddy asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of your desk and piss into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' | |
Joke by robharr, in Jokes with no home > Not Sure - Tagged inland revenue , auditor , solicitor , paddy , gambling - Current Score: 16 - Added: 1 month, 30 days ago
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