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| ........20 Signs You’re Getting Old......... 20. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 19. Having sex in a single bed is out of the question. 18. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 17. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 16. You hear your favourite song in a lift. 15. Jeans and a t-shirt no longer qualify as "dressed up." 14. You're the one calling the police because those annoying kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 12. You feed your dog tinned dog food instead of last nights takeaway leftovers. 11. Sleeping on the settee makes your back hurt. 10. You take naps. 9. Pictures then dinner is the whole night instead of the beginning of one. 8. Eating a curry at 2:00 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 7. You go to the chemist's for ibuprofen and Gaviscon, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 6. A £2.99 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 5. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 4. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 3. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 2. When you find out your friend's missus is pregnant you congratulate him instead of asking "Oh fuck, what happened?" And the number one sign you are getting old is: 1. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one. |    |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > None - Tagged signs , getting , old , wine , police , sex - Current Score: 72 - Added: 1 week ago
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