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| Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played Sunday football together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there." Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you. Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him," "Mike--Mike." "Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Mike--it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice." "Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Mike. "The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired." "That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news? "You're playing Tuesday." |    |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Football - Tagged football , heaven , death , ghost , flash - Current Score: 82 - Added: 5 months, 27 days ago
| Patrick Swayze has agreed to star in the upcoming sequel Ghost 2 They start filming in about 5 weeks.... | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > 10 Items Or Less - Tagged patrick swayze , ghost , death , sequel , movie - Current Score: 80 - Added: 6 months ago
| Did you hear about the two gay ghosts? They gave each other the willies! | |
Joke by ocha, in Sex and shit > Gay - Tagged gay , ghost , willy - Current Score: 29 - Added: 1 year ago
| An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!" | |
Joke by King Mustard, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged diarrhea , ghost , drunk - Current Score: 16 - Added: 11 months ago
| Amy Winehouse fled her Camden home earlier this year, claiming it was haunted by the hideous ghost of a dead boy. Strangely enough, she hasnt seen it again since her friends removed all her mirrors. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Celebrity and news events > Amy Winehouse - Tagged amy winehouse , ghost - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 week ago
| Paddy and Murphy have been away camping for a week and it's their last night before they return home, so they spend the evening in this country pub which was a couple of minutes walk away from the campsite. Shortly after arriving in the pub a freak storm occurs of torrential rain and high winds. Paddy and Murphy aren't bothered as they are having a great time downing pint after pint and joking with the locals. At closing time the storm has subsided somewhat and they both make their way back to the campsite but to their dismay, their tent has blown away. Even though they've had a few drinks Paddy suggests taking the car and finding a hotel. They jump in and head off down the road. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared on the passenger side and taps lightly on the window. Murphy screams out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!, I think it's a ghost Paddy!" This old man kept knocking, so Paddy says, "Well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So Murphy rolls his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old man softly replied, "You got a cigarette?" Murphy, terrified, looked at Paddy and said, "He wants a cigarette!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" Paddy replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaauggggg, there he is again!â Murphy yells." "Well see what he wants now!" yells back Paddy He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. Murphy throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window then yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden, again there is MORE knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear. The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of this mud?" | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged campsite , ghost , old man , cigarette - Current Score: 12 - Added: 11 months ago
| The ghost of Bernard Manning was reported to have been haunting his old Manchester home. However, his spirit fled in terror when they threatened to exorcise him. His last ghostly words were "Fucking Hell, no bugger is putting me on a treadmill." | |
Joke by erniehill, in Illness and mortality > Obesity - Tagged ghost , exorcise , bernard manning , exercise , pun , fat , manchester - Current Score: -1 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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