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| When I was a teenager, I used to pray every night that the girl next door would fancy me so I could make love to her. When I grew up, I realised God didn't work like that, so I raped her and prayed for forgiveness. |    |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged god , rape , girl , sex , pray , teenage - Current Score: 1025 - Added: 8 months, 18 days ago
| In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?" "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Little Girl/little Boy - Tagged kids , pregnant , mother , teacher , girl , boy , young - Current Score: 281 - Added: 7 months, 28 days ago
| I was in the pub last night and I took advantage of a young girl. When she went to the toilet, I nicked her chair. | |
Joke by nufcdude, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged girl , advantage , nicked , toilet - Current Score: 232 - Added: 6 days ago
| One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their Daughter's' date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law." | |
Joke by Fishyninja, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged peanuts , fingering , girl , sex , choking , hospital , daughter , date - Current Score: 228 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A little boy walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while his dad is reading the paper. "Where does poo come from?" he asks. The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?" "Yes," answers the boy. "Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the loo, and that is poo." The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And tigger?" | |
Joke by bluedishwasher, in Sex and shit > Little Girl/little Boy - Tagged girl , winnie the pooh - Current Score: 210 - Added: 10 months ago
| The girl next door has a life-threatening condition. She is fancied by me. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged girl , next , door , threatening , life , fancied - Current Score: 170 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| This 8 year old girl goes into Santa's grotto, she sits on his lap and father Christmas says, "Hello little girl, what do you want for Christmas my dear?" The little girl says, "Some of my older friends at school have got some hair between their legs, and I would like some there too!" Santa says, "Will a little white beard be ok?" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged santa , girl , hair , beard , white , grotto , christmas - Current Score: 165 - Added: 10 months ago
| A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house there. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them rough diamond types, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing £5. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the clerk was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own wage packet at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a crew building a house." "My goodness gracious," said the clerk, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will if those useless cunts at B & Q ever bring us the fucking plasterboard" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Kids - Tagged builders , b&q , girl , little - Current Score: 152 - Added: 4 months, 20 days ago
| I was sitting in the park last week chewing a sweet when a little girl came over and asked if she could have a sweet. I said, "I only have one left, sorry." She looked a bit sad so I gave her one. Then I ate my last sweet. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged park , sweet , chewing , little , girl - Current Score: 150 - Added: 1 month, 27 days ago
| A middle aged man and his wife live in a poor part of town and decide to rent out their second bedroom. They advertise and a beautiful young girl enquires about the room. The wife explains that because it is such an old terraced house there is no bath in the house so instead they use a big zinc bath in front of the fire in the living room. The young girl says, "It would be nice to have a bath in front of the open fire at night, but what about your husband? The wife replies, If you have a bath on a Monday or a Friday evening it will be fine because he always goes out to play darts from about 7 O'clock till after 11pm. "OK",the girl says. The next night is a Monday so the husband goes out and the wife brings in the zinc bath for the young lady and puts it in front of the fire. When she undresses ready to get in the bath she notices the wife staring at her naked body. The wife thinks to herself that its strange that the girl has no pubic hairs Later that night when the wife goes to bed she tells her husband about the young lady having no pubic hair. "It must look very strange and unnatural, are you sure?" says the husband. "I could leave the leave the curtains open just a little bit at the top so that you could peep through and see for your self next time she has a bath", says the wife. So the following Friday they get the bath out and the husband goes out to his darts match. The young lady gets undressed and the wife says " where's your pubes love?", and the girl says "pubes? I've never grown any", so wife pulls her knickers down and says "here, this is what you should have" and reveals a big bushy fanny with clock springs hanging out. Later that night in bed she is talking to her husband, who seems pissed off, and he says to his wife "She was lovely, but Why on earth did you lift your skirt up and show your minge?", and she says "you must have seen me a thousand times naked, why are you bothered?" and the bloke says- "I have, but the rest of the fucking darts team haven't". | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Pubes - Tagged darts , team , pubes , girl , pub , zinc , bath , nickers , clock , springs , fire - Current Score: 148 - Added: 11 months ago
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