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| If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food. |    |
Joke by tgs, in Religion and racism > Vegetarian - Tagged god , made , animals , food , fuck you veggies , awkward fuckers , make your own dinner - Current Score: 1186 - Added: 3 months, 28 days ago
| When I was a teenager, I used to pray every night that the girl next door would fancy me so I could make love to her. When I grew up, I realised God didn't work like that, so I raped her and prayed for forgiveness. | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged god , rape , girl , sex , pray , teenage , emo philips - Current Score: 1128 - Added: 10 months ago
| Which is the odd one out - a black Pope, a brave Frenchman or God ? God - you'll definitely see him one day | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > Nigger - Tagged pope , black , french , god - Current Score: 335 - Added: 5 months, 25 days ago
| A Muslim dies and finds himself in front of St Peter at the gates of heaven. "Hey, what's going on here? Where am I?" he asks St Peter. "Welcome to the afterlife," St Peter replies. "No, no this isn't right. I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed, right away." "Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter. "No! I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed," replies the Muslim. "Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want," says St Peter, and goes off to find him. "Jesus, I don't understand what's going on here," the Muslim says. "I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Would you like a capuccino?" "No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now." "Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus. This appears acceptable to the Muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the Muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears. "Yes, what seems to be the problem here?" booms God. The muslim is very worked up by now. "Look, I don't get what's happened here, I want to talk to the prophet Mohammed!" "Would you like a capuccino?" "Okay, okay," says the Muslim, "I'll have a fucking capuccino - now will someone please let me speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Two cappuccinos, Mohammed," says God. | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , heaven , god , dead , suicide , cunts - Current Score: 315 - Added: 11 months ago
| What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why. | |
Joke by S011, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged god , woman , hell - Current Score: 296 - Added: 5 months ago
| What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono. | |
Joke by iKarp, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , god , bono - Current Score: 267 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| God created man, stepped back and said "perfect!" He then created woman, stepped back, had a long look and said "Fuck me! this'll have to wear make up!" | |
Joke by lunchy bunsworth, in Jokes with no home > Make Up - Tagged god , women , creation - Current Score: 192 - Added: 1 month ago
| After the tsunami in Asia God phoned Bin Laden and said "Beat that, fuck face". | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Celebrity and news events > Tsunami - Tagged god , bin laden , tsunami - Current Score: 189 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| If we're all God's children, then what's so special about Jesus? | |
Joke by tenpin_john, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged jesus , god , jimmy carr - Current Score: 175 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A Jewish man asks, “Rabbi, what should I do? My son has converted to Christianity.” “I don’t know,” answered the Rabbi. “Come back tomorrow, and I’ll ask advice from God.” The man comes back the next day. “I can’t help you,” says the Rabbi. “God told me he has the same problem.” | |
Joke by EdgarBriggs, in Religion and racism > Jews - Tagged god , rabbi , jewish , problem - Current Score: 175 - Added: 2 days ago
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